Heavy in Your Arms
by pl2363
Summary: Jazz falls in love with his best friend, which seems perfect until Prowl admits to a past mistake. Will they each come to terms with how they view love and overcome the obstacles in their path to a perfect union? *Slash/Angst/Hurt/Comfort*
1. Invisible Lines

Title: Heavy in Your Arms- Invisible Lines

Author: pl2363

Series: Transformers AU/G1

Rating: M (overall for the fic), T (for this chapter)

Notes: Jazz falls in love with his best friend, which seems perfect until Prowl admits to a past mistake. Will they each come to terms with how they view love and overcome the obstacles in their path to a perfect union? Or is there even such a thing as 'perfect'?

AU setting, based in G1.

Title borrowed from "Heavy in Your Arms" by Florence and the Machine, which is the main inspirational song for this fic.

"You sit there in your heartache  
>Waiting on some beautiful boy<br>To save you from your old ways  
>You play forgiveness<br>Watch it now, here he comes" – 'When you Were Young' by The Killers

* * *

><p>Everything in the room was still, except for Jazz. He carefully disentangled himself from Smokescreen's grip, moving to sit on the edge of the berth. He glanced back at his interfacing partner, who was still deeply recharging. Everyone needed to blow off steam now and again. Last night it had been Smokescreen that comm'ed Jazz after a particularly rough field mission. Being trapped with Tracks for an orn-long spy mission in New York City had frayed the good-natured mood Smokescreen normally sported. After a couple intense rounds interfacing, Smokescreen was back to his usual happy-go-lucky self, though.<p>

Jazz heaved a quiet sigh through his intakes.

As nice as good overload felt, it wasn't what Jazz truly wanted. He'd been searching for the mech that would be the love of his life. Sadly, his search had been fruitless. He liked Smokescreen, but he didn't love him.

Jazz's parents had been very much in love. Before their deaths they created five sparklings in all. Jazz grew up as the second youngest amongst his siblings. One parent had been Praxian, the other a dockworker from Iacon. They met when his Praxian father ran away from home to the large city state of Iacon, and his fathers described it, they had fallen in love the moment their gazes met. Stellar cycles later, his entire family was long gone, taken by the war that consumed everything around them. Despite the pain of loss and all he'd been through, Jazz still held fast to the notion that one day he'd fall in love at first sight, too.

Of course, Jazz's hope for finding that love was on hold now that they were on Earth. He saw the same mechs day in and day out, and so far he hadn't fallen for a single one of them. He'd have to wait until they returned to Cybertron before resuming his search.

Heaving yet another sigh, Jazz got to his feet and then silently slipped out of Smokescreen's room.

In a daze, he wandered down the corridor toward the command deck for his supervisory shift. He vaguely groaned at how stiff his joints felt. He'd only managed to get a little bit of recharge time thanks to the previous evening's activities.

Stepping onto the deck, he spotted his best friend, Prowl, standing in the center overseeing his small 3rd shift crew. Their friendship had been forged early in the war, and unlike most things in Jazz's life, which had been transitory in one way or another, Prowl had been a constant, stable influence that Jazz relied on to keep him grounded.

He directed a grin at Prowl. "'Sup, man?"

Prowl glanced over at Jazz. "Hello-" His gaze darted over Jazz's frame. "Um…"

Brawn and Red Alert, both turned in their seats to look over at Jazz, too.

"Nice paint transfer you got there," Brawn said with a laugh.

Jazz looked down, and saw scuffs of red and blue across his front. _Frag._ He'd been so out of it, he forgot to check to see if he should hit the washracks before his shift. He sheepishly smiled as he looked back up at his best friend. "Heh, not very professional, eh?"

Prowl's doorwings perked up on his back as he raised an optic ridge at Jazz. "I'll stay on for the shift change while you get yourself cleaned up."

"Thanks, man. I owe ya." Jazz glanced at Brawn and Red Alert. Both had already turned their attention back to the bank of monitors. Brawn was chuckling to himself and Red Alert kept shaking his head. _Oh well_, Jazz thought. Certainly could be worse… He smiled brightly at Prowl. "Be back in a jiff!"

Prowl frowned. "What is a 'jiff'?"

Jazz couldn't help but laugh a little. "Human expression that means I'll be right back, man."

"Ah. I see." Prowl then offered a small, reserved-looking smile to Jazz. "I will see you in a 'jiff' then."

Jazz snorted a laugh at Prowl's use of the word then left the command deck, quickly making a b-line for the washracks.

Not wanting to keep Prowl waiting, Jazz hopped into the first stall and turned on the sprayer. The warm water washing over his frame felt good, helping to loosen his stiff joints. He put some solvent in his hands and busily worked to remove the smudges of paint.

"Jiff…" Jazz said to himself, chuckling. Prowl was so funny sometimes, often unintentionally so.

His mind wandered to their first encounter with one another. Circumstances that he had no idea would lead him to the close friendship they shared or even his alignment with the Autobots…

._._._.

_It had been almost an entire orn since Jazz had his last real serving of energon. His systems were straining and he was tired of rummaging through garbage receptacles only to find barely a sip's worth in discarded energon containers. _

_He needed to steal some unsuspecting mech or femme's card and use the credits to get a few cubes to tide him over. Unfortunately, recharging in the back alleys of Iacon meant no washracks. He glanced down at his frame and frowned at the greasy smudges. _

"_Hmmm…" Jazz murmured as he glanced around the alley he'd called 'home' for the last orn. A small cloth poked out from under an empty, discarded container. He knelt down and pulled it out. It was dirty, but he'd make due. He carefully used the cleanest parts of the cloth to remove what he could of the dirt on his frame. When he was done, he strolled out into the busy street and made his way toward the shopping district. _

_Iacon had become the central area for the new military force, the Autobots. Officers and soldiers that made modest incomes would come to the shopping district to pick up special grades of energon, or mods. Many were not originally from Iacon like Jazz. That made most of them easy pickings. _

_Having grown up here, Jazz knew the city better than most. His parents had passed away just before the war, and Jazz watched his two eldest siblings join the Autobots only to attend each of their funeral services shortly after. His other two brothers died when the Decepticons made a push into Iacon, destroying the southern area of city where they had grown up in. Jazz had narrowly escaped, and lost not only the remainder of his family, but also his home and what few belongings he had as a result. Already of meager means, Jazz refused to join the Autobots or Decepticons after watching all his siblings die. Instead, he chose to scrape by, living on the streets. _

_Just then, his thoughts ground to a halt as his visual scanning netted him a Praxian mech that he watched walk into one of the energon bars. Praxians almost always had plenty of credits in their accounts and tended to be friendly to strangers. _

_Jazz wandered in, hoping he'd cleaned up enough to not draw attention to himself from the staff. He spotted the black and white Praxian just inside at the bar and walked up to him. _

_Jazz sported a visor not only for the 'look' but in order to hide his optics and their wandering focus. With a quick glance around, he noticed the mech had his card laid out on the bar top to pay for his energon. "Hey there," Jazz said after lightly tapping his target's shoulder and half sitting in the seat beside him. _

_The mech turned in his seat and stared at Jazz for a long moment before answering. Jazz was instantly struck by the deep red chevron and lovely light blue optics that were so intently focused on him. This Praxian was rather handsome…"Yes?" the Praxian finally replied._

"_I was wonderin' if ya knew where the local messagin' office is?" Jazz asked. "Waitin' to hear from my brother. He's an Autobot." Jazz glanced at the mech's upper arm, and nodded to it. "Like you are, I see." Maybe it was macabre, but Jazz liked referencing his brothers in his scams. In a way, it made him feel like he was still connected to them. _

_The Praxian turned in his seat and pointed as he spoke. "Two blocks on the left side from here."_

"_Ah, cool, thanks!" Jazz replied cheerily._

_His target hadn't even noticed him swipe the card off the bar top when he turned to point out the door. Jazz internally smirked as he quickly palmed the card and slipped it into his subspace pocket while he strode out of the bar. Once on the street, he immediately turned down a side alley and made his way toward his favorite energon bar across town to finally get himself a few cubes of much needed fuel. Maybe once his fuel tank was full, he'd stop by the public wash and get a good scrub down, too. _

_After making a clean get away, Jazz sat down at one of the outdoor tables next to the energon bar. He'd bought 5 cubes and subspaced all but one. Lifting the fresh cube of fuel up, he leaned his head back and greedily drank it down. As he lowered the nearly empty cube, his gaze landed on a mech who'd apparently sat down across from him at the small outdoor table. _

_It was the Praxian he'd stolen the card from. _

_Dumbfounded, all Jazz could do was stare at the black and white mech. In all the time he'd been stealing, no one had _ever_ caught him. No one. He'd woven through back alleys and lesser-used roadways, so how in the name of Primus did this mech find him?_

"_If you are done with my card, I'd like to have it back now," the Praxian said in a matter of fact tone._

"_Uh…" Jazz set the energon cube down on the table. "How did ya find me?"_

"_I followed you. Now if you don't mind, I'd like my card back."_

"_Followed me? I took High Guard overpass… No one uses that thing! It's old and nearly fallin' apart. B'sides, I didn't see no one behind me," Jazz replied, still in shock this mech had found him._

"_I know. I took alternative roads while tailing you." The Praxian's doorwings perked up as he extended his white hand out at Jazz. "I really don't want to ask again…"_

_Jazz huffed air from his intakes. "All right, one sec." He fished around in his sub-space pocket and pulled out a stack of cards he'd stolen from various mechs and femmes, riffling through them looking for the one he'd just used. _

_The Praxian withdrew his hand as his gaze dropped down to the pile of cards. "You stole all of those?"_

"_Yeah. I only buy a few cubes of energon and sometimes get a wash. After that I don't use 'em. I only steal what I need." Jazz located the correct card and placed it on the table next to the nearly emptied energon cube. "There it is, and, uh, sorry."_

"_May I ask why you haven't simply joined the Autobots? You do realize that you'd have credits and no need to worry about a life on the streets, right? Since your brother is already a member, I could see about having you placed in his unit—" _

"_My brothers are all dead. The two that joined up with you Autobots were killed in the line of duty." Jazz frowned deeply._

"_I see." The Praxian's doorwings lowered as a small frown pulled at his lips. "I'm sorry for your loss."_

_It was odd, but hearing a stranger convey condolences felt good and terrible all at once. Jazz had spent a lot of time in denial, and those simple words brought the reality of his loss into painful focus. "Thanks. I miss 'em," he managed to choke out as a response._

_The Praxian pulled an identification card from his subspace pocket and carefully placed it over top of the card with his credits. He then slid them toward Jazz. "Take my card and buy what you need. When you are done, return it to me at the base."_

"_What?" Jazz replied with a chuckle. "Ya got a set of circuits scrambled?"_

_The Praxian faintly canted his head at Jazz. "No. But I do I believe someone like you would make an excellent addition to the special ops core. Even with my training, I had a hard time following you. All I ask in return for use of my card is that you to take some time to consider joining the Autobot cause. While I understand you may carry anger about your siblings' deaths, no mech, especially one with your potential, should be left wasting away on the streets. You deserve more than the type of life you've carved out for yourself." _

_Jazz pushed his sadness inside down and then offered the Praxian a lopsided smile as he plucked the cards off the table. "Whatever." He glanced at the name on the identification card. "Prowl." He glanced up and grinned. "Fittin' name ya got there."_

"_Hm, I suppose so," Prowl replied. "And your name is?"_

"_Jazz."_

"_Well, Jazz, come and see me when you are ready," Prowl replied as he stood up. "I do hope to see you sooner rather than later, though." With that, he turned and walked away. _

_Jazz stared at his retreating form. "What a weird mech."_

._._._._.

Smiling at his memory of first meeting Prowl, Jazz finished drying himself off. Prowl was an oddball in some ways but he was also a good mech, and Jazz would be forever grateful for meeting him that day. They had quickly become close friends once Jazz finally joined the Autobots. The war had torn away his entire spark-related family, but over time Jazz felt that mechs he'd met like Prowl, Bumblebee and Blaster had become his new family.

Now if only he could find his true love, then things would finally feel complete.

…

Stellar cycles of practice made it easy to hide the emotional turmoil that Prowl often faced. To everyone around him he was a mech in control, a mech that had it together all the time. But inside he fought against constant self-doubt, worry and his often spark-crushing loneliness.

Prowl stared at the raw data collected during Tracks' and Smokescreen's latest mission. After handing over the command deck to Jazz, Prowl really should have returned to his quarters to get some rest. Unfortunately, the mental images he drew of Jazz and Smokescreen after seeing those paint transfer marks wouldn't leave his processor, so he had returned to his office to seek out a distraction.

It wasn't even the interfacing part that bothered him. It was the 'who' that had been involved. Prowl held many secrets that he never voiced to a single mech. One of the largest he held very close to his spark was the fact he was in love with Jazz.

Every time Jazz would share about his personal life, like his recent arrangement with Smokescreen, Prowl's spark would burn in his chest with jealousy and hurt. He knew Jazz was on personal mission to find a bondmate, and due to a youthful mistake, Prowl could never offer his spark in that way. Sadly, his spark was already locked in a bond to a mech he didn't love, so instead of ever voicing his growing affection for Jazz, he remained mute on the subject. No matter how much it hurt, he refused to let on how he truly felt, settling for the close friendship they shared.

"Prowl?"

He looked up to see his leader standing in the doorway of his office. The tone of Optimus' query indicated worry.

"Yes, sir?" Prowl replied.

"I thought you took the 3rd shift. Shouldn't you be in your quarters recharging?" Optimus asked.

Prowl nodded. "Yes, but I wanted to quickly check over the intell from Tracks' and Smokescreen's mission."

Optimus' helm tilted to one side. "They returned yesterday evening. Why not just wait until you have their full reports?"

"I suppose that's logical," Prowl replied. He hoped Optimus wouldn't press too much more, despite knowing that the probability was low.

"Personally, I prefer my tactician to be rested and in a clear state of mind," Optimus replied, with an edge of teasing in his voice.

Prowl's doorwings lowered against his back as resigned himself to the fact that Optimus wasn't leaving until he did. "Of course." He stood up and picked up the datapad with the raw intell and walked to the door.

Optimus blocked the door and held out his hand. "I'll take the intell report and look it over for you, all right?"

Prowl looked at the datapad in his hands and internally sighed as he handed it over to Optimus. "Thank you, sir."

Defeated, Prowl walked back to his quarters. Once inside, he heaved a heavy sigh of air through his intakes as he sat down on his berth. Without the datapad of intell as a distraction, more unwanted mental images filtered through his processor and he winced. Having silently suffered in this lovesick state for so long he'd hoped it would fade or go away with time, but it seemed to only get worse.

Often, Prowl would try and reason his way out of his feelings. Remind himself that Jazz was his opposite in so many ways. Jazz always followed his spark and personal convictions, often times without a single consideration for the outcome. That sort of impulsive nature often landed him in trouble. Prowl wondered how a mech that was so different than he was could also be so attractive to him. Prowl came to same conclusion he always did: Emotions weren't logical. Especially love.

Prowl curled up on his berth, and dimmed his optics. His only choice to escape his circling thoughts would be to recharge.

._._._.

"_Sir?"_

_Prowl glanced up from his desk to see a young mech standing in the doorway to his office. From the mark he bore on his shoulder, Prowl knew he was one of the security officers for the base. "Yes?"_

"_We currently have a non-military mech down in the holding area. He had your ID card and said he was supposed to meet with you," the young security mech explained. "Are you aware of such a mech possessing your ID card?"_

"_Is he black and white with a visor?" Prowl asked. _

"_Yes, sir. That's him."_

"_I'll be right down to retrieve him," Prowl replied. _

_The young mech nodded, then left. _

_Prowl was surprised, but also pleased that the mech who'd stolen his card had finally come to the base. It had been almost six orns since their encounter. The mech's talent for both misdirection and his out-of-the-way escape route impressed Prowl. He hadn't noticed the missing card until Jazz was long out of sight. He only picked up his trail by accessing the city's security footage. Such a mech would be extremely dangerous in the hands of the Decepticons. _

_As he stood up, Prowl wondered why he was here now, though. Six orns was just long enough to make Prowl think this mech had no intention of returning the card or seeing him again. Prowl closed his office door and headed toward the elevator, intent on finding out._

_The card had only been used once more for a wash. Prowl found this mech quite unconventional, having the decency to only steal what he needed. Most thieves stole all they could, which made him all the more curious to Prowl. _

_Stepping off the elevator, he spied his visitor. Jazz sat on the bench next to the security office surrounded by three armed officers. He was leaned back against the wall in a very casual posture with his legs extended and arms crossed over his middle. _

"_This mech will need a temporary pass," Prowl said in a commanding tone as he approached. _

"_Of course, sir," one of the officers replied as he ducked into the nearby office._

_Jazz didn't move from his seated position. Instead, he offered Prowl a lopsided grin and waved. "Heya, Prowl."_

"_Hello," Prowl replied. _

_The security officer emerged with a temporary badge and handed it to Jazz. "What's this thing do?" Jazz asked as he sat forward and fingered the square item etched with symbols._

"_Allows you access. It's magnetic. Place it on your chest, and please follow me," Prowl replied._

"_Sure thing," Jazz replied as he stood up and stuck the badge to his chest. He waved at the security officers. "Later fellas!"_

_They looked less than amused. Prowl could see the judgment in their optics regarding the somewhat grungy appearance of his visitor, but Prowl could care less what they thought. _

_Prowl turned and walked Jazz to the elevator. Once inside, Prowl focused his gaze on his visitor. "I had assumed you were not—" Prowl stopped speaking when he noticed Jazz's fingers were twitching in an erratic manner, which was a side effect from not properly fueling. Prowl hit the elevator controls to change their destination to the commissary. _

"_Weren't what?" Jazz asked. _

"_Coming by to see me," Prowl finished. _

_The door to the elevator opened to the commissary. He watched Jazz's visor briefly flash brighter. "Gonna fuel me up, eh?"_

"_Yes," Prowl said as he walked off the elevator with Jazz in tow. After they each had a container of energon they sat at one of the tables. _

_Jazz didn't hesitate, quickly gulping down the energon. He set the empty container down and grinned at Prowl. "Thanks. Got some good energon here."_

_Prowl nodded, and then noticed Jazz's hands were still twitching. He slid his serving toward his visitor. "Have mine if you like."_

_The grin faded as Jazz stared at the offered cube. "I'm okay."_

"_Your hands would argue otherwise." Prowl pushed the cube closer to Jazz. _

_Jazz then pulled back, hiding both hands in his lap under the table. "Actually, uh, I'm here not just to return yer card, but ah, see if there'd be anyway ya could help me out." _

"_Help you out?" Prowl asked._

"_Yeah. Ah… I haven't been upgraded by a medic in, like, I dunno, forever. And my hands are acting weird, plus I can't seem properly transform anymore. I get stuck in sequences, but it ain't like I got access to a medic." Jazz frowned as he spoke. "Yer the only mech I know that might be able to help me out. But if ya don't want to, I totally get that. It's cool."_

_Prowl stared at Jazz for a long moment. This mech was in need and had come to a virtual stranger for help. One he had robbed from, in fact. Still, that strange lack of logic aside, Prowl would never turn away a mech in need. Perhaps Jazz realized that, which would be he asked. "Sub-space that cube, and come with me." Prowl pushed to stand._

_Jazz's visor flashed brighter. "Yer gonna help me out?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Do I gotta join the Autobots or something?" Jazz asked._

"_No. You have asked me for help, and I will do what I can to assist you," Prowl replied. _

"_Oh, wow. Yer too nice, ya know that?" Jazz said as he stood up, his grin returning to his lips._

_Everything about Jazz seemed to scream contradiction. He stole from Prowl, but only to tend his barest needs. He asked for help, but expected to have to pay for it. It was actually starting to make Prowl's processor ache a bit. "And you are very odd."_

_Jazz laughed. _

_Prowl realized at that moment Jazz might not ever make sense to him. "Let's go to medbay, shall we?"_

"_Sounds good. And, ah, thank you." Jazz lightly patted Prowl's arm. Taken off guard by the friendly touch, Prowl's doorwings tensed and perked up. Jazz glanced at the doorwings. "Sorry to startle ya."_

"_I am not used to anyone being friendly with me." Prowl composed himself, steadying his doorwings. "This way."_

"_No one's friendly with ya? Why not?" Jazz sounded genuinely surprised._

"_Many find me to be detached and cold," Prowl replied._

_Jazz frowned. "Really?"_

"_We can discuss irrelevant topics in medbay while you are being tended to," Prowl said as he gestured to the elevator. _

_Jazz burst out laughing. "All righty then."_

'What a truly odd mech_,' Prowl thought. _

…

Sitting in the lounge with his friends, Jazz was having a great time. Off shift, Jazz always went to the lounge to hang out with whoever was there. Tonight Blaster, Smokescreen and the twins were making good company while they flipped through human television signals and chatted.

"So Jazz, I heard from Red you showed up to the command deck with a new paint job this morning," Blaster said with a huge grin.

"You didn't go the washracks?" Smokescreen asked as he directed a frown at Jazz.

"I was kinda tired, man. Forgot to even check," Jazz replied.

Sideswipe burst out laughing. "I bet the look on Prowl's face was priceless!"

"Aww, leave Prowl alone," Jazz replied.

"Unlike you two idiots, Jazz can get away with things like that when it comes to Prowl," Blaster said.

"That's not fair." Sideswipe directed a pouted frown at Jazz. "How the frag did you manage to become friends with Prowl of all mechs, anyway?," Sideswipe asked.

"Just happened," Jazz said with a grin.

Both twins gave Jazz a look of disbelief.

Smokescreen shook his head. "Only you would be able to charm Prowl into being your friend," Smokescreen said with a small smile.

"Prowl's bossy and annoying. Plus, he's _boring_. All he does is work all the time," Sideswipe said, shaking his head. "You are way too cool to be friends with him, Jazz."

They really had no idea what Prowl was truly like, assuming his demeanor on duty was the same as off. He also knew for the twins, Prowl had been their main disciplinarian, which colored their view of him. From the moment he first spoke to Prowl, he knew that he was a good mech. And when Jazz had been in need, Prowl had been there for him, despite the fact they didn't know one another at all.

"If ya gave him half a chance, I bet you'd be surprised," Jazz replied.

Smokescreen raised an optic ridge at Jazz. "I don't know about that."

Blaster shifted his gaze to Jazz and smiled. "I think it's nice you're friends with him. Otherwise, no one would be."

As much as Jazz didn't want to admit it, Blaster was right. Prowl's detached and distant behavior kept everyone away. Even those that attempted to get closer to him were kept at a healthy distance. Jazz wasn't really sure how he'd manage to scale the walls around Prowl, but he had. Maybe they were just fated to be friends by the circumstances that led them to meet one another?

._._._._.

_Slowly, Jazz onlined. He dimly lit his optics and glanced around the small room he'd been placed in after being repaired by the medic. Whatever was wrong with him required the CMO, Ratchet, to knock him out. A quick check told him all his systems were back in tip-top shape. He felt better than he had in stellar cycles. _

_Jazz fingered the berth, realizing he'd not recharged in one in a very, very long time. It was nice not to have that awful stiffness that came with recharging on the ground. The door to the room was open and he heard the faint sound of footsteps just outside. From the angle the berth was set in the room, he couldn't see who was there. Frowning, he sat up in the berth and leaned to the side trying to see, but to no avail._

_Then he heard another mech walk up with much heavier steps. _

"_He was in bad shape. Too much longer and some of the system malfunctions would have been impossible to repair," the medic who had treated him said. _

"_I appreciate your diligent care," Prowl's disembodied voice replied._

"_Another thing, Prowl. He matches the description of a thief the city guards have been searching for. Ironhide said his security staff only let you take him 'cause…Well, 'cause you're _you_." Intense disapproval laced Ratchet's voice. "I really don't like harboring unsavory mechs in my medbay."_

"_Once discharged, I will remove him from_ your _medbay," Prowl replied._

"_Look, Prowl, he could be a spy for the 'Cons for all you know. You gonna show him the door once I release him?" Ratchet asked._

"_What I chose to do if of no consequence to you," Prowl said._

"_And what if I refuse for him to be released to you? Technically, he's my guest at the moment, and I don't want any part in letting some street hustler, or possibly a 'Con spy, inside what's supposed to be a secure facility. I_ should _call Ironhide up here to haul him off the base," Ratchet replied in a loud, gruff tone. _

_Jazz realized his presence here would only cause trouble for Prowl. After how nice Prowl had been to him, he felt compelled to protect his new friend. But what could he do? The medic sounded pretty upset. Suddenly, Jazz had an idea to hopefully diffuse the situation. _

_He slid off the berth and sauntered to the doorway. "Hey there, you two," Jazz said, giving them a little wave._

_The arguing mechs turned their attention in his direction. Prowl's face gave away nothing, but Ratchet was clearly perturbed. _

"_So, ah, Prowl. Wanna take me down to wherever I gotta go to become one of y'all? An Autobot? I'm sure you already checked into my background and all that, right?" Jazz said with a smile._

_Prowl's expressionless face flashed a momentary look of surprise. "Of course. And yes."_

"_He's a recruit?" Ratchet said, also looking surprised. _

"_Yep! Ol' Prowl here's gonna put me in some special unit," Jazz replied, his smile widening. _

_Ratchet looked back at Prowl. "You were?"_

_Prowl met the medic's gaze and he nodded. _

"_Why the frag do you have to be such a pain my aft?" Ratchet asked. "Would it kill you to clue the officers around you in once in a while? Giving us a heads-up wouldn't kill you. In fact _not _telling me makes me want to kill you!" Ratchet plucked the datapad chart from the rack next to the doorway, clicked a few screens on it, then shoved it into Prowl's hands. "He's cleared." He then looked at Jazz. "Good luck." With that, Ratchet stormed off. _

"_Wow. He don't like you, eh?" Jazz asked as he watched the medic go into his office and close the door._

"_As I already stated, most are not friendly with me." Prowl glanced at the datapad in his grasp._

"_Well, I like ya." Jazz playfully punched Prowl's arm. _

_Prowl's doorwings perked up and he quickly shifted his gaze to Jazz. _

_Jazz laughed. "Not the touchy-feely type?" _

"_Not especially, no. In your particular case, I will make an exception, though," Prowl replied._

"_Cool! So. How does it feel?" Jazz asked._

_Prowl canted his head. "How does what feel?" _

_Grinning, Jazz placed his hand on Prowl's shoulder. "To be my first friend here?" _

_The lack of expression on Prowl's face gave way to a small, subtle smile. "Your friend, hm?"_

"_Hey, once I decide on somethin' there ain't anythin' that'll change my mind 'bout it. Whether you like it or not, yer my friend now." For the first time in a very long time, Jazz had found someone he felt he could trust. Someone that was generous without pretense, like his family had been. _

"_You are a very interesting mech, Jazz." Prowl's smile fractionally widened. "It feels like I've gained quite a burden, but at the same time I'm very happy to carry it."_

_Prowl's words struck deep for Jazz. Despite their short time together, he recognized that it was a compliment. "Does this mean yer gonna carry me on yer back down the recruit office?" Of course, that didn't mean he wouldn't tease Prowl. _

_Shaking his head, Prowl turned and started to cross medbay toward the exit. "Follow me."_

_Jazz happily followed Prowl out the door. After enduring so much loss, Jazz realized he'd lost his hope, too. Prowl's kindness had started to restore his sense of faith in his fellow mechs. Hopefully, there were more good mechs like him around. _

._._._._.

Turned out, there were lots of awesome friendships to be forged. Jazz let his gaze flit across the room at his friends once more before settling his gaze on the big screen.

Blaster had the remote was changing channels as they chatted. He stopped changing channels when he found a movie that seemed to pique his interest and suddenly the room grew quiet as they watched in silence for a few minutes.

"This movie is kinda cheesy," Sideswipe commented.

"I like it! It's cute," Blaster replied.

"What's it called?" Jazz asked.

"'When Harry met Sally', and I agree, it's cheesy," Sunstreaker said with a deep frown.

"It's not that bad," Smokescreen said.

They watched the scene where the main male character confesses his love to the female one. Jazz might have liked it, if he thought 'best friends' could fall in love like that. "Seems pretty unrealistic to me."

"What do'ya mean?" Blaster asked as he looked over at Jazz.

"Best friends fallin' in love? Love should be like a sucker punch to the spark. You just _know _the moment ya see the one yer supposed to be with," Jazz replied.

Everyone in the room shot a disbelieving look in Jazz's direction.

"You're being serious?" Sideswipe asked.

"Yeah. That's how my creators fell fer each other," Jazz replied.

"Love happens when it happens, Jazz. First sight, after years of being friends… It totally depends on the circumstances," Blaster replied.

"Mirage and Hound were friends before they started seeing each other," Smokescreen pointed out.

"That's a pair I don't get," Jazz said, laughing. "They're sooo different."

"They're an odd couple, but I think sometimes that's what makes it fun. Someone different than ya to change the way you see things," Blaster replied.

"This whole conversation is stupid," Sunstreaker said as he snatched the remote controller from Blaster's grasp. "Let's find something cool to watch."

"You think that car show is on? The one that they do test runs on a track?" Sideswipe asked.

"I don't wanna watch some 'car show'," Blaster replied with a frown.

Their conversation then quickly veered to other topics and the rest of the evening was spent changing channels and joking around. When it finally got late, they all headed back to their respective quarters.

Hating the quiet of his room, Jazz dug through a container of datadiscs looking for a relaxing music mix to put on. Jazz's thoughts wandered back to their conversation about love. At first he'd dismissed his friend's opinions, but the more he thought about it, the more he wondered if he had been looking at things one-sidedly.

_Love happens when it happens…_

Does love really 'just happen', like Blaster said? Jazz popped a mix into his computer console and sat down on his berth. In the movie, the best friends fell in love after several years. Best friends who were very different in personality. Much like his own friendship with Prowl. His thoughts then wandered, swirling around the idea of Prowl as more than just his best friend.

Prowl was actually very physically attractive. In fact, Jazz actually thought he was prettier than Smokescreen. His deep red chevron was very striking and his unusually light blue optics were gorgeous, but he was… Prowl. A quiet, reserved mech that didn't show any interest what-so-ever in anyone when it came to romance. Jazz frowned as he swung his legs up onto the berth and laid back. He realized that he'd never considered Prowl in that way, since his best friend never gave off those kinds of signals. In all the time he'd known Prowl, never once had he even mentioned dating anyone. That did strike Jazz as little odd.

Jazz then tried to imagine what seeing Prowl might be like. Taking him out to a concert, spending time talking late into the night, kissing him, what he might look like overloading—Jazz cut off his thoughts there, rubbing his face with one hand. "Am I that desperate? He's my best friend, for Primus' sake!" Prowl had been his friend for such a long time. Jazz's constant in an ever-changing world. The one mech that always accepted him as he was from the moment they'd met.

_Nah, I'd never consider throwin' away a friendship that important for the chance at love,_ he thought to himself. Prowl's presence in his life often felt like the only truly stable thing he could rely on. He could tell his best friend anything and never worried about being judged. The only other mechs in his life he'd been that close to were his brothers. Jazz wondered if Prowl felt the same, though. For as much as Jazz confessed about his personal life, he realized that Prowl never told him anything about his own. They could talk at length about philosophy, the war they were caught up in or about the mental state of the crew, but never once had Prowl shared anything personal about himself. Jazz had no clue what his parents were like, or if he even had siblings.

Frowning, Jazz reached up and removed his visor, setting on the side table next to his berth. Prowl was an enigma is so many ways, but that didn't change how Jazz felt. He cared for Prowl as if he were family. Jazz rolled to his side, and offlined his optics. If love was something meant to happen, it would have happened long before now between them. They were best friends, end of story.

* * *

><p><em>AN- Well, this might take a year to complete like my last story, but I do have a handy-dandy outline and plans for this story to span about 10 chapters. I hope if you like this, you'll take the time to review, and thank you for taking the time to read. _


	2. Misdirection

Title: Heavy in Your Arms- Misdirection

Author: pl2363

Series: Transformers AU/G1

Rating: M (overall for the fic), T (for this chapter)

Notes: Jazz falls in love with his best friend, which seems perfect until Prowl admits to a past mistake. Will they each come to terms with how they view love and overcome the obstacles in their path to a perfect union? Or is there even such a thing as 'perfect'?

Title borrowed from "Heavy in Your Arms" by Florence and the Machine, which is the main inspirational song for this fic.

"Somethin' filled up  
>My heart with nothin'<br>Someone told me not to cry.

Now that I'm older  
>My heart's colder<br>And I can see that it's a lie." 'Wake up' by Arcade Fire

* * *

><p>"The 'Cons are startin' to freak me out," Jazz said as he read through a report from Red Alert. "They haven't done a fraggin' thing in a couple Earth months. No raids, no nothin'."<p>

"Their silence is certainly disconcerting," Prowl replied, focused on his own datapad of intel.

They were both in Prowl's office; working long after their respective shifts had ended. His friendship with Prowl existed outside the normal social circles their small crew operated in. Jazz had to make the extra effort to get to spend time with him usually under the pretense of 'working'. He enjoyed times like these with Prowl, though. Unlike the raucous nature of the lounge, which he also enjoyed, this space was calming and quiet. Safe-feeling. Often times, these sorts of situations would lead to interesting conversations. He liked that best of all.

Jazz's thoughts from the previous evening filtered through his processor. He glanced at Prowl, wondering about the personal details and past his friend had never shared with him. Did Prowl not trust him?

Prowl's gaze lifted. "Something wrong?"

"Huh?" Jazz asked.

"You're frowning."

"Oh, ah, nothing's wrong," Jazz replied, his usual smile returning. "Just thinkin' about stuff."

Prowl raised an optic ridge. "You? Thinking?"

A grin curved Jazz's lips. Prowl didn't joke with anyone, except Jazz. "Actually..." He sat forward in his seat. "I was wondering why you don't ever tell me anythin' personal 'bout yourself or yer past. I blab about myself all the time, but I don't know if ya even had any siblings growin' up, or what your parents were like."

Clearly surprised, Prowl sat back in his seat and started to nervously run his fingers over bottom edge of his datapad. "You never asked me before."

"Really? Man, I'm a bad friend, then." Jazz suddenly felt a little guilty, realizing he really should have asked long before now. "Well, tell me. I wanna know."

Prowl looked uneasy. "Know what exactly? About my family?"

"Yeah. I told ya all 'bout mine. Tell me what yer's was like," Jazz replied.

His friend's gaze shifted to the corner of the datapad where his fingers were lightly touching it. "My parents were together due to an arranged bonding. They disliked each other and only had me to appease their own parents. I was the only sparkling they had."

Shocked, Jazz stared at Prowl for a moment trying to comprehend the idea of being bonded to someone who you didn't love, let alone didn't like. "That's… _awful._ I'm sorry, man."

Prowl's detached expression softened as he lifted his gaze back to Jazz. "That would be why I never tell anyone about my family."

Jazz frowned, again. "Must have been a rough way to grow up."

"It's all I knew until I joined the Autobots." Prowl sadly smiled as he shrugged. "But things changed."

"Yeah, you met me," Jazz said with a laugh.

Prowl's doorwings perked up on his back, then lowered as he smiled at Jazz. "I did, indeed."

Jazz settled back in his seat and silently stared at Prowl for a moment. "Didn't mean to pry—" Cutting himself off, he rubbed the back of his helm. "Nah, I _did_ mean to pry. I just realized that we're best friends and everythin', but I hardly know much of anythin' 'bout yer past."

"My past is not really relevant," Prowl replied.

"Sure it is," Jazz said, somewhat disturbed by Prowl's statement. "Our pasts inform the present. It colors what we do each day. How we react to stuff. Things we experienced shape us, Prowl."

Prowl's doorwings lowered behind him. He vaguely frowned and fixed his gaze back on his datapad. "True. But sharing about it doesn't change anything."

Jazz stared at Prowl, unsure what to think of the reaction he'd gotten. For as long as they had been friends, he'd never seen his friend try to avoid a topic before. Something about the direction of this conversation was clearly upsetting Prowl. Jazz wanted to press him for the truth behind his attempt to evade the topic, but at the same time he didn't want to hurt his friend by bringing up what appeared to be a sore subject. "Well, I don't really agree with that, but I'll stop houndin' ya."

Prowl's light blue optics focused on Jazz. "I appreciate your good intentions, but my past is something I'd rather move forward from, rather than dwell on."

Jazz offered Prowl a warm smile. "It's cool. I get that." Not wanting to leave things feeling uncomfortable, Jazz decided to simply switch subjects all together. He lightly patted his abdomen along the side. "I could totally go a cube of energon. How 'bout you?"

Prowl nodded. "Sounds lovely."

…

Due the lack of Decepticon activity, many of the social areas on the base were swimming with mechs. Prowl followed Jazz into the busy commissary. Inside, the minibots were taking over three tables, busy playing games and loudly laughing. Ironhide and Prime appeared to be deep in conversation as they occupied the far corner of the space. Trailbreaker looked bored as Hoist and Grapple chatted mostly with each other. Ratchet, Wheeljack and Perceptor occupied yet another table laughing and talking.

Prowl rarely saw so many of his comrades together in a casual setting. He found himself staring at the scene, taking it all in.

"Here," Jazz said as he pushed a cube of energon into Prowl's hands.

"Thank you," Prowl replied.

He watched his secret love and best friend glance around the room. Then Jazz focused his gaze on Prowl. "Maybe the lounge is less crowded?"

"Possibly," Prowl replied.

"If not, we can just head back to yer office," Jazz said. "Is that cool?"

Prowl nodded in agreement.

He had no interest in socializing, but the part of him in love with Jazz refused to let him force a retreat to his office. He wanted to follow Jazz wherever he led them. He rarely gave up his control in situations, but he was willing to place his trust in Jazz, knowing he'd never push past Prowl's boundaries. Even Jazz's probing questions had ceased once he saw it was making Prowl uncomfortable. Jazz could read him like no one else.

Softly sighing air from his intakes, he quietly padded behind Jazz into the lounge. He hated and loved the lack of control he had over his actions when it came to Jazz.

The lounge was just as crowded, but much less noisy. The twins, Bluestreak, Blaster, Hound and Mirage were all watching the human programs on the big screen. The couches were fully occupied. If they were going to stay, they'd have to seat themselves on the floor.

Jazz glanced back at him. "You okay? I know crowds aren't yer thing."

Prowl nodded. "It's fine."

A grin curved Jazz's lips. Primus, it wasn't fair he could be so cute. Jazz proceeded into the room, Prowl following behind him. "Hey guys! Anythin' good on?"

"Hound put it on this show about nocturnal animals," Blaster replied, sounding decidedly uninterested in what he was watching.

"It's really boring," Sunstreaker added.

"Aww, come 'on guys. Don't you think it's fascinating how organics adapt like we do?" Hound asked.

Jazz lowered himself to sit on the floor just in front of the couch where Hound and Mirage were seated, and Prowl started to do the same.

"Oh, Prowl! Here, have my seat. You shouldn't sit on the floor like that," Hound said, quickly getting up.

Hound's swift movement led to him to accidentally bumping into Prowl, knocking him off balance. With a resounding crash, Prowl fell to the floor on his aft. In the process of falling, he also lost his grip on his energon cube, which dropped to the ground and splashed its contents across his front, leg, and the floor beside him.

"Prowl! You okay?" Jazz asked as he hopped up and offered his hand to help Prowl back to his feet.

"I'm okay," Prowl replied as he took hold of Jazz's hand and stood up.

Jazz pulled a cloth from his subspace, and started to wipe down Prowl's front. Already feeling embarrassed he gently pushed Jazz away. He watched his friend's visor flash then dim. "Sorry…" Jazz held out to the cloth to Prowl. "Here."

"Thank you," Prowl replied, taking the cloth.

"Smooth, Hound," Sideswipe said with a chuckle.

Everyone had stopped watching the program, and turned their attention to Prowl. Mortified at being the object of everyone's scrutiny, he attempted to hide how uncomfortable all the staring was making him by steadying his doorwings and maintaining a rigid posture.

"Primus, I'm sorry, Prowl!" Hound said as he stooped over and picked up the now empty cube. "I'm such a klutz sometimes."

Mirage stood and pulled a cloth from his subspace pocket.

Jazz grabbed the cloth from Mirage's grip and then knelt down to wipe up the floor. "Thanks, man."

"I was going to wipe up the spilled energon with it," Mirage replied in a snippy tone.

Hound's usual smile was replaced with a worried frown. "I really am sorry."

"No need to be sorry, Hound," Prowl said as he wiped down his abdomen. "Accidents do happen."

"Wish you were that nice to us about things," Sideswipe commented. Bluestreak punched Sideswipe in the arm… hard. "Oww," Sideswipe replied as he rubbed the spot Bluestreak punched.

"We can get some more cloths to clean up with," Bluestreak said, standing up.

Blaster also got to his feet. "Yeah, we'll get this all cleaned up quick."

Mirage gently poked Hound in the side. "Perhaps you could replace the spilled ration?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, I'll go get you another cube, Prowl," Hound said.

"I'm gonna grab a wet cloth fer ya," Jazz said, offering a warm-looking smile as he stood up and gazed at Prowl. "We'll be right back."

Prowl nodded and watched them all disappear out the door. He hated being fussed over, but knew there was nothing he could do but endure the unwanted attention.

Mirage crossed his arms over his chest as he looked in the twins' direction. "Could you two be any more useless?"

"They've got it," Sideswipe replied, motioning to door.

Internally, Prowl sighed. He really should have insisted they go back to his office. His spark was so foolish sometimes, causing him to follow Jazz around despite his better judgment. All because he knew it would please Jazz if he came here with him.

"See Jazz jump to Prowl's rescue?" Sideswipe said as he elbowed his brother.

Sunstreaker chuckled.

Prowl frowned, unsure what the meaning behind the statement was.

Mirage gave them a dirty look then turned his attention to Prowl. "Sorry about all that. Hound _is_ pretty clumsy sometimes, but he meant well."

"I know he did," Prowl replied.

"I think Jazz meant well, too," Sideswipe said, snickering.

Sunstreaker laughed.

"Well, gotta be the hero if he wants to score points," Sideswipe added.

Both twins burst out laughing.

Prowl shot the pair a murderous look. "What are you two babbling about?"

The smile on Sunstreaker's face dissipated. Sideswipe's expression also sobered when he glanced back at Prowl. "Nothing. I was just joking around."

Prowl's gaze hardened. "Joking about what, exactly?"

"Jazz falling in love with you," Sideswipe answered in a small-sounding voice.

All the locks and emotional barriers inside Prowl seized up with Sideswipe's words. His gut felt heavy while his spark burned in his chest. Why in the name of Primus would Sideswipe joke about something like that? Did they know something he didn't?

Sunstreaker's usually indifferent facial expression lit up with worry. "It's cause of a stupid movie we watched the other night. Jazz said he didn't think best friends could fall in love like the moronic human movie characters did. Don't listen to Sides, he's being an idiot."

"Yeah. I was just teasing," Sideswipe said with a sheepish look.

Suddenly, Prowl wondered if Jazz's questions earlier had been spurred by a human movie of all things.

"Are you all right, Prowl?" Mirage asked.

Prowl's doorwings vaguely quivered as he started to lose the tight control he usually had over his emotions. Prowl glanced at Mirage. "I'm going to go wash up."

"You're not gonna stay?" Sideswipe asked.

"No," Prowl flatly replied.

"You fragging moron," Sunstreaker said as he punched Sideswipe's other arm.

"Owww! You laughed, though!" Sideswipe replied.

Not feeling strong enough to hold back his emotions, Prowl walked out of the lounge without another word. He took the back hallway that led to the control room in order to avoid the path he knew Jazz and the others were taking back toward the lounge.

Entering the washracks, Prowl crossed to the back row of the stalls and quickly stepped in, turning on the sprayer to wash the energon off. For a moment he just stood there, letting the water run down his frame. He quietly watched the water and energon swirl together and disappear down the drain at the center of the stall floor.

_I'm such an idiot._

Finally, he moved, lathering up the area of his frame that the energon had coated, washing off what remained.

Prowl dimmed his optics, internally reprimanding himself for allowing his emotions to rule his actions.

Whether Jazz's query earlier had been brought on by a human movie or not, Prowl needed to keep Jazz from peering any deeper into his motives for hiding his past. If he left things as they were inevitably Jazz's curious nature would uncover the desperate love Prowl felt for him, and that would only end in spark break. Even if by some miracle Jazz returned his feelings, the spark locked in Prowl's chest would ruin the dream he knew his best friend had about bonding and having sparklings. He simply couldn't condemn him like that.

Prowl turned the sprayer off, and quickly dried his frame. Knowing Jazz, he'd come looking for him. He didn't have the inner strength to face him at the moment, though, so he beat a hasty retreat back to the solitude of his quarters.

…

Jazz rarely felt angry. But as he briskly walked down the hallway toward the washracks, a hot anger bubbled within him. "Those stupid-aft twins," he muttered. He suddenly sympathized with Ratchet's rants about how the twins were nothing but trouble most of the time.

He'd returned to the lounge and found Prowl had left. Sideswipe was apologizing profusely for apparently teasing Prowl, which led to his departure. The guilty look mixed with Sunstreaker's frown told Jazz the yellow twin had probably exasperated the situation. How could they be so insensitive? Prowl so rarely allowed Jazz to drag him into social situations, and they went and ruined everything. Though, Mirage made it sound like Prowl's decision to leave was abrupt, even for him.

Walking into the washrack room he heard the soft plipping sounds of water on the far side. He crossed the space and found a recently used stall.

Prowl was already gone.

Heaving a thick sigh of air through his intakes, Jazz's posture slumped. His disappointment mitigated his anger. He silently stared at the wet stall, noticing traces of glowing energon that still clung to the white floor. Prowl had rushed in and out so fast, he hadn't rinsed the stall down. But why? Jazz figured Prowl left because of the teasing, but that didn't explain why would he run off from the washracks so quickly. Surely, Prowl would've expected Jazz to come looking him.

There was only one way to find out the answer to his question: go find Prowl and ask what was up. Jazz was fairly sure Prowl had gone back to his quarters, and without a second thought he turned and headed for the barracks. Maybe it wasn't too late to salvage the evening, and Prowl would let him in so they could hang out for a while.

As he drew closer to Prowl's door, he started to feel a little guilty for the evening's mishaps. After all, he'd sort of forced his friend into a situation he knew might be uncomfortable for him. And he'd done it for his own selfish desire of wanting to have his favorite two worlds to combine. Jazz deeply frowned and shook his head at his own self-centered behavior. He'd know better for next time.

Jazz's thoughts paused as he reached Prowl's door and he rang the buzzer. After a long moment there was no answer, so he buzzed again. Still, no answer came. Worried, Jazz decided to try another tack. He pinged Prowl's comm line in hopes of reaching him, but got the chirp back that told him Prowl was unable to answer due to being 'busy'.

This was odd behavior for his friend. Prowl was more sensitive than he led on, but this seemed almost an exaggerated reaction to the evening's series of events. Jazz stood for a long moment, replaying everything in his mind. It didn't really add up. Why would Prowl appear to be avoiding him?

Lacking the ability to find out, Jazz finally conceded defeat and pulled the extra cube of energon Hound got for Prowl out of his subspace pocket. He stooped to set it down in front of the door. Something more had to be going on, but he had no clue what. _I'll find ya tomorrow and ask what's really going on_, he thought as he stood back up and gave the door one last long look.

Not really in the mood to return to the lounge, he silently turned away and wandered to his own room just down the hallway. Inside, the silence was stifling. He rummaged through his container of discs looking for a particular mix Blaster made him. "There ya are," he said as he fished it out, and slid it into the computer console. The sound of rich musical tones from a guitar and piano accompanied by human female's lovely voice filled the room, instantly soothing Jazz's ragged mood.

Just as he was about to sit, his buzzer sounded. Was it Prowl? Maybe he found the cube and was willing to talk to him now. He hit the release for the door fully expecting to see his best friend. Another doorwingged mech stood on the other side, though. "Oh, heya Smokes. What's up?"

Smokescreen canted his head. "Nothing. You got first shift tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Jazz couldn't help but glance past Smokescreen to Prowl's doorway just down the hall. The cube was still there.

Smokescreen stepped into Jazz's personal space and lightly ran his fingers over the number '4' on his chest. "Would it be all right if I came in for a bit?"

Jazz smiled at Smokescreen. "Yeah, sure."

The moment the door slid shut, their lips locked together in a brief, hot kiss of tangled glossae. The kiss broke, and Smokescreen's lips slid over Jazz's chin and down his neck, where he softly mouthed neck cables. Jazz's hands were quickly occupied with sliding over the curves of Smokescreen's plating, but his mind was still stuck on Prowl.

There had to more to the story of what happened in the lounge. He'd rushed off to locate Prowl without finding out what exactly Sideswipe had said. Maybe that was the source of his evasive behavior?

Jazz was honestly a little hurt that Prowl shut him out without explanation, though. He thought they were close enough that Prowl would confide in him. But then again, Prowl _was_ so fiercely private. Perhaps Jazz needed to reach out so Prowl knew he could talk to him if he needed to. He could try to get Prowl to come for a drive with him and ask about what was really going on. Prowl worked too hard anyway, it might do him some good to get off the Ark for a bit and hang out. Or would that be misconstrued as more than something friendly, hanging out _alone_ together off base? Jazz frowned as realized just how much the conversation from the other night about best friends falling in love had burrowed into his processor. Prowl was his friend, nothing more. He needed to stop allowing his thoughts to wander like that.

"Jazz?"

Jazz glanced at Smokescreen staring at him. "Hm?"

Smokescreen raised an optic ridge. "You're just standing there. I'm doing all the work."

"Oh sorry. I spaced." Jazz smiled, though it was one of his more faked ones. "I need ya to distract me from bein' distracted."

"I can do that," Smokescreen replied, his doorwings flirtatiously flaring behind him.

Jazz stepped backward toward the berth, pulling Smokescreen with him. This was lust, not love. For the moment, Jazz set aside his ideals, though. If Smokescreen hadn't shown up he knew he'd be stewing in his thoughts, and he appreciated the timing of his partner's request. He wanted give control over to his body, so his mind could rest. Forget all about the missteps this evening. Tomorrow he could face it all with a clearer processor. For now he wanted to just feel pleasure and offer it to someone that wanted it in return.

…

Third shift was extremely quiet. Brawn checked the human networks and frequencies for any possible issues, while Red Alert scanned for Decepticon chatter. Prowl silently sipped the energon cube Jazz left for him as he glanced over the final reports from Tracks and Smokescreen.

Prowl's gaze focused on the cube in his hand, as he mentally replayed the previous evening. He felt badly for running off, especially after he found the cube outside his door later. Knowing Jazz, he'd probably been disappointed, but Prowl simply didn't have the inner strength to override the emotions unleashed by Sideswipe's comments. The last thing he wanted to do was break down in front of Jazz. He softly sighed air from his intakes. Of course, Jazz's kind gestures, like leaving the cube at his door, only added fuel to the fire in Prowl's spark, making it harder and harder to hide how he truly felt.

After shifts he'd find him and apologize for taking off like he did.

"Sir?" Red Alert said. "I think I have a Cybertronian signal coming in."

Turning in his seat, Prowl looked at the monitor in front of Red Alert. An old dialect of Cybertronian symbols streamed in nonsensical order across the screen. He got to his feet, his spark sinking at the sight. "Could it really be?" There was only one mech he knew who would use such an encryption to code messages.

"Be what?" Red Alert asked, glancing at Prowl with a confused look.

Brawn stared at the screen, too. "That message makes no sense."

"Run sequence 0945 of the decoding graphs on the message's code," Prowl instructed.

Red Alert did as he asked.

It took Teletraan all of a few seconds to break the encryption. "Message decoded. Video log attached to signal. Download and play?" Teletraan asked.

"Yes," Prowl commanded.

"I've never seen that sort of encryption before. How did you know that sequence would crack the message, Prowl?" Red Alert asked.

"I know the mech that likes to use it," Prowl replied.

The screen lit up with a degraded video image of the mech he knew had sent the log.

"Ultra Magnus here. This message is meant for Optimus Prime and his crew. Due to deteriorating conditions for the Autobots on Cybertron, I've moved everyone to the two moons orbiting Cybertron. Decepticons have complete control of the planet at this point. With Alpha Trion's assistance, we are able to stretch the energon reserves we had stockpiled, but the situation remains dire. In hopes of gaining access to alternative energy reserves to convert for use, I've assembled a small crew and am in route to Earth. Elita One has been left in charge of the Autobots now inhabiting the moons. By the time you receive this message, we should be about one orn away from Earth. Once we are within range of the planet, I will contact you again." The video cut out.

"It's gotten really bad there." Brawn looked back at Prowl with a deep frown.

"Should we contact Prime? Wake him from his recharge and let him know about this message?" Red Alert asked.

"No. I will present the message to him once he's on shift. In the meantime, convert and put on a datadisc." Prowl glanced at his partly consumed energon cube. Ultra Magnus was coming in search of energon and hope. Prowl couldn't help the feeling of searing pain in his spark at the thought of seeing him after all this time, though.

Ultra Magnus was more than a Commander to Prowl. More than a comrade, even. He was his _bondmate_.

They had waved when they passed by each other in the halls of the main base, said 'hello' to one another at status meetings, but in some sort of unspoken pact they'd never discussed missing the window of time to break their erroneously created bond.

Several thoughts streamed through his mind as he felt the tight control over his emotions waver, again. He never imagined just how far-reaching the consequences of their mistake would be. Had Magnus suffered alone all this time, too? Was he also secretly in love, or did he find someone who loved him despite the bond? Would he be willing to discuss things now? If they talked, what would they say?

"Are you okay?" Brawn asked.

Prowl glanced up. Both Brawn and Red Alert were staring at him. With every ounce of his being, he clamped down his thoughts and bubbling emotions. "I'm fine. Resume your assigned scanning."

...

"It seems we now have an answer as to why Earth has been devoid of Decepticon activity," Optimus said.

Their leader had called them all into an emergency status meeting after he reviewed and shared the message with the command staff.

Jazz was definitely disappointed to hear their home world was now fully in Decepticon control. He glanced at Prowl sitting across the conference table. Prowl's gaze was fixed to the center of the table as he stared into nothingness, seemingly distracted. Prowl usually moved into action with this type of news, offering suggestions, asking questions. Instead, he was silently sitting there as Optimus outlined a plan of action. It was unusual behavior that worried Jazz, especially after what happened the previous evening.

"All the patrol assignments will continue as usual. All missions scheduled to check areas where Decepticons might try to steal resources will also proceed as normal. In addition, I will be meeting with the human authorities to ensure Ultra Magnus' landing is met peacefully. We need to proceed with caution. This message may very well have been intercepted by the Decepticons. Despite the news relayed to us in it, we cannot assume Earth is safe. These humans depend on us for their protection and we must continue to be vigilant." Optimus glanced around the room, making optic contact with each of the officers.

Prowl finally moved, meeting his leader's gaze. Jazz shifted in his seat, trying to catch Prowl's attention, but after glancing at Optimus his friend resumed his blank stare at the table.

"Any questions or concerns?" Optimus asked.

"I want that whole crew in my medbay first thing," Ratchet said. "I have no clue what process was used to extend the energon supplies and my guess they'll be running on practically empty when they arrive."

"Of course," Optimus replied.

"We need to map out a landin' area close by," Ironhide said. "Got any idea what'll work best?"

"When I meet with authorities, I will attempt to secure the area just south of here," Optimus replied. "I want as little space between their ship and this base as possible."

"Sounds good," Ironhide replied. "Will their crew be added the shift rotations 'round the base?"

Optimus looked to Prowl. "That would be at Prowl's discretion."

Prowl's light blue optics glanced over at Ironhide. "To acclimate them to humans and this organic planet, I believe pairing them off with our crew for patrols and guard duties would be a wise choice." His gaze immediately moved back to the tabletop after he spoke.

Something was wrong. To anyone else, Prowl's shift in behavior wouldn't seem suspicious at all, but Jazz knew better. He could see something was really bothering him.

"Well, if there is nothing else, I'd like to adjourn this meeting. If any of you have any further thoughts or questions please stop by my office at any point. Dismissed," Optimus ordered as he pushed to stand.

Jazz kept his gaze pinned on Prowl as everyone stood up from their seats. Prowl's doorwings were lower than usual against his back as he quickly exited the conference room first. Pushing past his fellow officers, Jazz gave chase.

Something really wasn't right. There had to be something more going on with Prowl beyond Sideswipe's teasing or the news from Ultra Magnus. Whatever it was, Jazz was extremely concerned for his friend. He wasn't acting like himself at all. He tailed Prowl through the Ark almost catching up to him at hallway that led toward the barracks. Suddenly, Jazz's comm link pinged. Frowning, he opened the line.

::Jazz, are you coming back up to the command deck?:: Hound asked.

_Frag._ He forgot it was his shift, and Hound had been covering for him while he was in the meeting. ::Uh, yeah. I'll be there in a sec.::

Jazz stopped in his tracks and watched Prowl's form grow distant, and then turn into the barracks area out of his line of sight. As much as he didn't want to give up his pursuit, he really had no choice. He couldn't shirk his duty for a personal matter. Walking back towards the command deck, he mentally vowed to locate Prowl when his shift was over to make sure he was all right.

…

_Sitting side-by-side in uncomfortable silence, Prowl and Ultra Magnus rode in the cargo area of the transport shuttle back to the main base in Iacon. They were both battered, physically and emotionally. _

_They took the last transport shuttle out from their small base, abandoning the location to the Decepticons. Ultra Magnus made sure the other surviving members of their unit were picked up first. It had been a brutal few orns, attempting to hold the line at their outpost. Their little unit was outnumbered by the much better equipped troops Megatron had sent in. Of an original group of 20, only 8 were returning to the main base. _

_The deaths and fighting were only secondary thoughts for Prowl, though. Another issue had presented itself during his time stationed under Ultra Magnus' command. _

_Prowl glanced at his commander. "We should discuss our situation, Magnus," Prowl said in a softened tone._

_Ultra Magnus didn't look back at him. "I know."_

"_It doesn't appear that we will be stationed together once we return." Prowl shifted, trying to ease the pain from his assorted injuries. _

"_I know." Ultra Magnus kept his gaze fixed on the floor in front of them._

_The silence that followed was thick and heavy. Prowl felt almost suffocated by it. He didn't know what else to say, though. Their relationship to one another moved from professional to personal, but in the end Prowl had learned that caring for someone was different than being in love with them. And what at first felt like an amazing rush had quickly spun out of Prowl's control. _

"_I'm so sorry, Prowl," Ultra Magnus said in a barely audible voice. "I'm so, so sorry."_

_Prowl glanced at his now former lover's profile. Ultra Magnus's head hung low between his broad shoulders. A deep frown marred his otherwise handsome face. It was strange to see such a large mech look so small. _

"_Isn't there a way to undo it?" Prowl asked. _

"_Yes. Once we're repaired we'll get them to break the bond. Hopefully, it's not been too long," Ultra Magnus replied in a solemn tone. _

_Prowl continued to gaze at Ultra Magnus. Despite their mistake in sharing their sparks, Prowl didn't regret all he'd learned about life beyond his sheltered Praxian upbringing. Ultra Magnus had given him his first kiss, been his first interfacing partner, and was the very first mech to show Prowl any real affection. His own parents treated him like a burdensome annoyance, so when Ultra Magnus offered all these things to Prowl, he'd seized his chance to feel something other than the stifled loneliness he was used to. _

"_Primus," Ultra Magnus muttered as he rubbed his face with both hands. "I completely understand if you hate me."_

_Prowl didn't hate him, though. "The only regret I have is my lack of knowledge about bonding. Otherwise, I'd do it all again. I enjoyed our time together, even knowing that we aren't truly in love."_

_Ultra Magnus finally turned his head to look at Prowl. Shock and pain mixed in his facial expression. "I don't deserve that."_

_Prowl's doorwings perked up with his confusion over whether he should be upset by the statement or not. "Deserve what?" Prowl asked._

"_Your adoration. Your forgiveness." Ultra Magnus shook his head slowly. "I took advantage of you in a moment of my own weakness."_

"_It was simply a mistake." Prowl softly sighed air from his intakes. "You are quite frustrating, sometimes."_

_The upset look on Ultra Magnus' face faded a little as he sadly smiled at Prowl. "You are a good mech, Prowl. We'll get this thing broken and move on. I hope you do find someone that stirs your spark for real. You deserve someone that will love you."_

"_As do you, Magnus." Prowl reached out and squeezed his former lover's dented and nicked forearm. _

_Ultra Magnus put his much larger hand over Prowl's. "In the end, I think we're probably too much alike, despite our differences."_

_As strange as the statement sounded, it perfectly described their relationship. The only true differences they had were life experiences. At least it would all be rectified once they were on base. _

._._._._.

Prowl's optics flared as he awoke in his quarters. He curled in on himself in his berth. "Magnus…" he whispered.

After their repairs, Decepticons had attacked Iacon itself and destroyed a large area of the city. They'd been busy dealing with the aftermath and before they knew it, the time frame for a medical intervention to dissolve their spark bond had passed them by.

Prowl touched his chestplate. The bond was never broken. It had simply gone silent, leaving his spark to ache for Jazz while at the same time being weighed down with Magnus' energy signature that marked it.

There was no way around it. Prowl's past was like an immovable object, too heavy and too large to get around. It just sat there looming in his mind and spark. All he could do was pretend it wasn't there and hope no one pointed it out to him. Of course, Magnus would be here in three short Earth weeks, making it impossible to ignore.

Prowl winced as his spark ached in his chest.

As much as he wished the bond had been broken, he still didn't regret what he had experienced with Magnus, even now. It had been a series of life-changing moments for him; opening up a world he'd never known before. Still, this bond forged in a moment of misunderstanding and despair robbed him of experiencing such a world with someone he _did_ love. Prowl wondered, '_Would I have even recognized I love Jazz without what I experienced with Magnus?' _There was no way of knowing.

It was all so unfair. Everyone else seemed to have such an easy time relating to others. Prowl almost felt like he'd been doomed the moment of his sparking. Not a single relationship to those around him had been easy, Jazz being the only exception. The ease with which their friendship had been forged was yet another amazing thing Prowl loved about him. Jazz could make the most complicated things appear so simple. If only there was a simple solution to this problem. Prowl knew in his spark there wasn't one. He cared too much for Jazz to want to burden him. This was his weight to carry alone.

The next few Earth weeks were going to be extremely complicated. It was going to take every ounce of his being to not lose his careful control over his demeanor when Magnus and his crew arrived. He prayed to Primus he had that kind of strength within him.

Frustrated with his unending thoughts, Prowl rolled to his back and huffed air from his intakes. He checked the time, and noted it was mid-morning. He highly doubted he'd be able to recharge anymore and decided to get up. There was plenty of work to be done; he may as well start now.

* * *

><p><em>AN- Whoa, so many responses to this! :O I appreciate all the comments, favs, and alerts! If you've never read my other fics, then you may not know I tend to take my time to craft my stories as best as I can. The last one took me over a year to complete, but I am a pretty stubborn person. This story will reach a conclusion; it just may take its time. ^.~ Thanks again for reading and letting me know what you think!_


	3. Unfold

Title: Heavy in Your Arms- Unfold

Author: pl2363

Series: Transformers AU/G1

Rating: M (for this chapter); Death, sparkbonding, interfacing, & kissing.

Title borrowed from "Heavy in Your Arms" by Florence + the Machine, which is the main inspirational song for this fic.

"And I never wanted anything from you  
>Except everything you had<br>And what was left after that, too, oh." 'Dog Days are Over' by Florence + the Machine

* * *

><p><em>Longest fragging shift ever,<em> thought Jazz. The moment Ironhide appeared on deck, Jazz booked it out of there. He'd spent the entire shift worrying about Prowl. First thing he did once in the hallway was open his comm line and ping him.

::Yes? :: Prowl answered.

:: Where you at? :: Jazz asked, stopping his brisk walk down the hall.

:: My office. :: Prowl replied.

:: Be there in a sec, and don't ya dare run from me, :: Jazz said, with a little laugh in his voice to try and lighten things.

:: I'll stay put, :: Prowl replied.

Jazz spun on his heals and altered his direction. Arriving at Prowl's office, he found the door was already open. He peered inside, spotting Prowl at his desk busily working away. His white fingers moved swiftly over the keys at his computer terminal with the kind of grace only Prowl seemed to possess while doing something so mundane.

"Heya," Jazz said as he stepped into the office.

Prowl paused and glanced over at Jazz. "Thank you."

Jazz canted his head. "Huh?"

"I assume you left the energon at my door," Prowl replied.

"Oh, yeah. I did," Jazz said as walked over and sat down on the edge of one of the spare chairs opposite of Prowl's desk.

"I'm also sorry for leaving so abruptly yesterday evening. Something personal came up," Prowl said as he turned in his seat to face Jazz.

Jazz shook his head, deciding not to hide his disappointment or concern. "That's cool, I guess."

Prowl's doorwings lowered. "You're upset with me?"

"Nah, man. I'm _worried_ 'bout you." Jazz softly sighed air from his intakes. "You've been actin' weirder than usual. What's going on with you?"

Prowl glanced at his desk. "Some personal issues presented themselves." He then looked back up at Jazz. "I didn't mean to worry you, though."

"Wanna talk? I can be a good listener, ya know," Jazz said with a small smile. Prowl had been there for Jazz countless times when life had knocked him down, and he liked the idea that for once he might be able to return that kindness. "I may not be as pro at it as you, but I'm totally here fer ya, Prowl."

"I appreciate the gesture." Prowl warmly smiled. "I'm quite lucky to have you in my life."

That smile coupled with the fondness lacing Prowl's voice warmed Jazz to his core. He stared at Prowl for a long moment, his spark attempting to push past the set boundaries of their friendship as it started to vaguely quiver in his chest. Jazz knew that no one in his life meant as much to him as Prowl did… What if he really was _the one_? Maybe it _was_ it was possible to fall in love with your best friend…?

Prowl canted his head at Jazz. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm cool." Jazz quickly buttoned up the feelings his spark was causing him. As much as he cared for Prowl, he wasn't sure he felt ready to see him differently. The way it had been between them was stable and worked for both of them. No good could come of complicating things. "What are ya doing later? I was thinkin' maybe we could go for a drive. Ya know, get off base for a bit."

Prowl frowned as he glanced at his hands resting on the edge of the desk. Jazz noticed his doorwings were slumped lower than usual, too. He could feel the rejection of his suggestion coming on and silently braced himself.

Prowl looked up and met Jazz's gaze for a long moment. "Sure," he finally replied.

Surprised, Jazz's optics surged behind his visor. "Wait, you wanna go?"

Prowl nodded. "Yes."

"Whoa, awesome. When's a good time for ya?" Jazz asked, excited Prowl actually agreed.

Prowl's doorwings dipped low behind him again. "I leave the day after tomorrow for a scout mission in the Black Mountains, so sooner rather than later may be the more prudent choice."

"Then let's go tomorrow afternoon after I get off shift," Jazz replied with a grin.

"Sounds like a plan."

Jazz canted his head. "Who'd you get fer a mission partner, anyway?"

"Sunstreaker," Prowl replied with a small disapproving frown.

"Well, at least he's the quiet one, right?" Jazz said, laughing a little.

Prowl then smiled. "That is very true."

Primus, Jazz really did love seeing Prowl smile. This engaged version of Prowl was much better than that detached version from earlier.

"So you sure you're really okay and everythin'?" Jazz asked, double-checking.

Prowl dimmed his optics, but his smile didn't fade. "I'll be all right."

As much as Jazz wanted to push, he held back. Prowl would tell him whatever was going on when he was ready. Jazz had done all he could for the moment, offering his audio and friendship. He could only reach out so far. At least he could take some solace in the fact that Prowl had admitted something was bothering him and that he seemed to be dealing with whatever it was better now.

…

Everything felt like it was twisting into a complicated knot weighted with all of Prowl's worries. When Jazz suggested they go for a drive, he'd been ready to decline. Seeing how sincere Jazz was in his offer and the impending hurt he might cause by turning him down, he went ahead and agreed. Besides, as dangerous as it was, Prowl knew a part of him desperately wanted the emotional support that Jazz was offering him, even if he really couldn't tell him anything.

Prowl made his way to the entrance of the Ark after subspacing two energon cubes he'd picked up from the commissary. Jazz's form stood backlit in the entrance as Prowl approached. The curves of his frame were highlighted in his silhouette, a Praxian form without doorwings. Jazz was unusual in practically everyway.

"Hey, man! Ready to go?" Jazz asked with a grin as Prowl got closer.

His spark silently fluttered in his chest thanks to that adorable smile of Jazz's. "Of course," Prowl replied, unable to hold back a smile in response.

Jazz playfully punched Prowl's arm. "I like when you smile."

_Primus help me be strong_, Prowl thought as he shook his head at Jazz and stepped out past the entrance. Dirt and rocks crunched under his pedes until he came to a stop and glanced at Jazz. "You have a place in mind or are we just driving to drive?"

"Oh, I'm taking you out this a great spot in the desert with long flat roads to speed down." Jazz transformed. "And we're totally racin'!"

"We are, hm?" Prowl replied, as he transformed.

"Frag, yeah. Better keep up!" Jazz revved his engine and took off.

Prowl kicked into gear and kept pace with Jazz down the curving roads that led away from the Ark. They turned onto a highway and after several miles the landscape changed around them. The trees and greenery were traded for a muted pallet of browns and ochres that the expansive desert offered.

Nothing was said over their comm lines. A comfortable silence filled the space between them as they drove together towards Jazz's chosen destination. The stellar cycles of friendship they'd shared were so clear to Prowl in moments like these. They didn't need to fill the airwaves with needless chatter; instead, they enjoyed the simple pleasure of being near one another.

A line on the horizon slowly took form.

:: Okay, that road way up ahead is where we're gonna drag on. Turn left off the main highway. It's a dead end road, so we shouldn't run into anyone all the way out here, :: Jazz explained, breaking the silence.

:: You sound like you've done this quite a bit, :: Prowl replied.

:: The twins like coming out here. We usually bring Smokes along, too. It's a fun way to blow off steam, :: Jazz replied.

_Smokescreen_. Prowl's spark ached at the mention of his name in this context. He fought back his processor's attempts to create mental images of the two of them together. He knew from what Jazz told him that it wasn't a serious relationship, but the knowledge of someone else having that sort of affection from him never failed to cause Prowl's spark to burn with jealously.

They reached the dead end road and Jazz turned, taking the right side. ::You take the left lane. The end point is that big ol' boulder up there on the left. ::

Prowl pushed his wayward thoughts regarding Jazz's social life away, focusing on the here and now. Jazz was _his_ for the moment, and he didn't want his processor to ruin the enjoyment of that fact. Prowl took his place beside Jazz. He scanned the distant landscape, spotting the landmark. :: Who counts down? ::

:: You can this time. Next time I'll do it, :: Jazz replied in a chipper voice.

:: All right. Ready? ::

:: Yep! :: Jazz revved his engine. :: Count 'em down! ::

:: 3... 2… 1… go! :: Prowl said over the comm line.

Prowl hitched into gear and took off. He and Jazz remained evenly paced for the first quarter of the way, then Jazz started to pull ahead. Prowl redlined his engine, catching up to Jazz and then pulling past. The wind whipped over and around his chassis. The roadway's surface sent a vibration rippling up from his tires and spreading throughout his entire frame. It felt _good _to let loose like this. All thoughts and worries melted away as his singular concern became beating Jazz to the boulder.

The end marker grew in size as Prowl sped toward it, gaining a whole car length ahead of Jazz. He passed it first, and let off the gas to slow a bit before he initiated his breaks.

::Frag, Prowl! You totally kicked my aft! :: Jazz said, laughing.

:: I suppose I did, :: Prowl replied.

:: Let's go again, :: Jazz said, his good mood permeating his voice.

They drove back to the start point, and Jazz counted down. Once again, they sped down the roadway both engines straining as they each pushed their limits to outdo one other.

Prowl never had 'fun' until he'd met Jazz. Back on Cybertron, Jazz would make him leave the base to enjoy what shreds of a normal life were left. They'd visit nearby natural areas that were within Autobot territory, like the Rust Sea. Or sometimes they'd head out to an energon bar and find a corner all to themselves where they'd set up a game of 'Go' and play for cycles on end. It had actually been a while since they'd spent time together having 'fun'.

:: Okay, man. I need a break, :: Jazz said after Prowl beat him again.

They both transformed, and Jazz stretched his arms over his head. Prowl stretched his own arms out in front of himself as he flexed his doorwings, silently gazing at Jazz's lovely form.

Jazz canted his head at Prowl, sporting his usual happy-go-lucky smile. "Been a while since we did anything together, huh?"

"Yes," Prowl replied. He then pulled the energon cubes from his subspace holding one out to Jazz. "Too long, in fact."

"I agree and thanks!" Jazz happily took the cube and greedily gulped down about half the cube. As he lowered it he glanced back at Prowl. "You got me burning off fuel like it's goin' outta style!" Jazz's smile suddenly disappeared. "Hm, That wasn't too appropriate a comment with the whole Ultra Magnus comin' here and whatnot."

_Magnus…_ Once again Prowl's spark reacted, this time with a painful ache. "I understood what you meant, Jazz," Prowl replied.

"Don't lemmie say anythin' that dumb back on base, 'kay?" Jazz said, a small smile returning to his lips.

"I can't watch you every astro-second, but I'll try," Prowl replied. He took a small sip of his own cube as he looked around. He spied a couple of flat rocks off to the side of the roadway and walked over, sitting his tired frame down. Jazz meandered over and plopped down beside him.

"So what'da think about this whole Ultra Magnus showin' up thing?" Jazz asked in a conversational tone.

_That Primus is testing me?_ Prowl thought. "That they are desperate."

"Yeah. Man, the whole planet is in 'Con control. That sucks slag." Jazz sipped at what was left in his cube. "I wonder if we'll ever git it back."

"I believe it's possible we will. Megatron rules through fear. While he can sustain that for now I don't see that serving him well as time moves forward," Prowl replied. "Having the entire planet in his control means idle troops and that will create a set of new problems I don't believe he is equipped to handle."

Jazz chuckled. "Wow, Prowl. You realize most mechs don't think like you, right?"

"All too aware, actually," Prowl replied, before taking a sip of his energon.

Quiet settled over them as they each stared out across the flat desert dotted here and there with rocks. Prowl lifted his gaze upward, noticing the swirled shapes the clouds made in the distance. This was such a nice escape. He was so glad he agreed to come along.

"Hey, Prowl?" Jazz asked.

Prowl broke his gaze on the sky and glanced at Jazz. "Hm?"

"You feelin' better?" Jazz asked.

"Yes. Thank you for the distraction," Prowl replied.

An uncharacteristically serious expression swept over Jazz's face. "If ya wanna talk, I'm here to listen, too," Jazz said, with earnest.

Prowl softly sighed air from his intakes, as he gazed at Jazz's concerned expression. He was so kind-sparked. No one else on base even noticed Prowl's shift in mood. Of course, no one else was allowed as close as he'd let Jazz, either. "I appreciate that, but—" Prowl frowned. "You mean too much to me to burden you."

"But it's not a burden!" Jazz protested. "We look out fer each other, that's what friends do."

Prowl's spark ached and fluttered all at once in his chest as he stared at Jazz. Why did this all have to be so unfair?

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like I'm bein' nosy or somethin'. It's just…Prowl yer my stability and seein' you off kilter like this makes me wanna help ya." Jazz winced then looked away, his posture slumping. "Primus, I sound like such a selfish slagger. I can't seem to say anything right today, can I?"

"Jazz, you are anything but selfish." Prowl then did something he never had before: he reached out to touch Jazz. His hand lightly rested on Jazz's forearm. "This distraction has been a great help. Thank you."

Jazz stared down at Prowl's hand for a moment, his lips parting as if he was going to say something, but no words escaped. Instead, he placed his other hand over Prowl's and gave it a squeeze. "I'll distract ya anytime ya want, then. 'Kay?" he finally said in an unusually soft tone.

"Deal," Prowl replied.

Prowl's spark swelled in his chest at the tender touch. If only things were different. If only his spark was free. No amount of wishing would change anything, though. He was doomed to the fate dealt to him. Inflicting any of it on Jazz felt cruel.

The wind started to pick up, small gusts washing over them. They sat with Jazz's hand resting over Prowl's for a long moment. Jazz was staring down at their hands, with the corner of his mouth quirked downward in a half-frown. "I'd totally like to stay out here with ya, but I kinda promised Blaster we'd go to a concert in town tonight."

"Then let's head back," Prowl replied, giving Jazz's arm one last little squeeze before letting go.

Jazz glanced at Prowl, his visor dimming. "You leavin' the day after tomorrow?"

Prowl nodded.

"Let's do somethin' fun tomorrow." Despite the light tone of Jazz's words, he still looked very serious.

"Okay," Prowl replied. "I think I still have that 'Go' game board around someplace."

Jazz's face lit up. "Oh, man! We haven't played that in forever!"

Prowl smiled. "I know."

"You're the best, Prowl," Jazz said with a beaming smile before he got to his feet. His happy mood suddenly restored. "All right, you ready to race back to base?"

"You want me to beat you again, hm?" Prowl replied, as he stood.

"Yeah right! This time I'm getting a head start!" Jazz quickly transformed and immediately floored it, dust and rocks kicked up in his wake as he took off.

:: Cheater. :: Prowl commed as he transformed and took off after Jazz.

:: Me? Heh, maybe… :: Jazz replied, laughing over the comm.

…

The roadway was mostly dark, except for the occasional light Jazz would zoom past on his way toward the concert location. Blaster was in his alt mode, and sat inside strapped into his passenger seat. Jazz was only vaguely paying attention to his driving as he grappled with a potentially life-changing event from earlier in the afternoon.

In all the stellar cycles he'd known Prowl, never once had his friend ever reached out to touch him. Not _once_. Jazz was used to being the one play punching or giving reassuring arm squeezes, so when Prowl reached out and touched his arm he'd not only been surprised by the gesture but overwhelmed with how his spark reacted. In a singular moment, Jazz's entire world had been shaken to its core.

His spark had been 'sucker punched' by _love_. A love for_ Prowl_.

While his spark seemed so sure, his processor was still fighting to understand what had happened. Seeing Prowl as more than a friend had thrown Jazz's whole internal world into a chaotic state. What was a known and familiar now felt strange and foreign. His mind was trying desperately to wrap itself around the idea of Prowl as more than a friend. Prowl as his potential bondmate. Prowl as his _everything_.

Just thinking of Prowl and those white fingers touching him sent Jazz's spark fluttering in his chest. How could he have been so blind for so long? How did he not see that everything he wanted was right there? And why was it so incredibly terrifying to realize that he lovedProwl? For all the joy his spark had been singing with, his processor had ruthlessly cut it off in the moment, unable to accept what he'd felt.

His wheels slipped on the road as he took a sharp curve. His back end swung to the outside lane, but fortunately no other cars were near him as he regained control and straightened himself out.

"Whoa there!" Blaster called out. "You're driving like a maniac. We aren't gonna be late, why are ya speeding?"

Blaster's voice and his near fishtail brought reality back into focus for Jazz. "Sorry, man."

"Are you okay?" Blaster asked.

"Yeah," Jazz replied. He could hear just how unbelievable his reply was, though. "Okay, no. Not really."

"What's up?" Blasted asked.

"Well…I think I'm in love," Jazz replied. "With _Prowl_."

"Slag, that's awesome!" Blaster replied happily.

Jazz internally sank. "I dunno 'bout 'awesome'. More like… terrifying and really confusing."

There was a short pause before Blaster finally replied. "Uh, _why?_"

"Well, 'cause it's _Prowl_." Jazz tried to wrap his processor around why he did find it so disconcerting. "Ever since the first time I met 'im, he's been like the most dependable and stable thing in my life. I don't want that changin'."

"So why can't he be both?" Blaster asked. "I mean, it sounds like an ideal thing. Best friends bein' in love. Just like that movie we saw."

"I think that fraggin' movie started this whole thing!" Jazz was exasperated, and tired of thinking so hard about everything. "Why couldn't fallin' in love be simple? Meet a mech in a bar and bam! Love, bonding, sparklings."

"In my experience, love is anything but simple, Jazz. Besides, I kinda think you're _makin'_ it more complicated than it really is," Blaster replied.

Jazz's simplified version of what he thought love should be had been based on his own creators. While on some level he knew he was searching for an ideal that might not exist, he never expected to have love blossom in such an unexpected place, either. "I guess. I just don't wanna ruin our friendship. I mean, what am I suppose to say to him? How am I supposed to tell him? I have no clue."

"Wait a sec, he doesn't even know?" Blaster asked.

"No," Jazz sheepishly admitted.

"Why not? I'd figure you'd go in head first and say slag the consequences," Blaster replied, clearly surprised.

Jazz internally sighed. "Aside from the whole possibly ruining our friendship part, I'm honestly scared he'll reject me."

"Jazz! He'd be the luckiest mech ever to snag you. Why in the world would he reject _you_?" Blaster replied.

Jazz appreciated the vote of confidence from Blaster, but he knew rejection was very probable when it came to Prowl. "'Cause, in all the time I've known him, he's never ever once been involved with _anyone_."

"Really? _Never_?" Blaster sounded like he didn't believe Jazz.

"Never."

Jazz's hopes sank while his spark continued fluttering. If he told Prowl how he felt and that love wasn't returned, then he would have destroyed their friendship for the foolish desire of his spark. The risk was huge and chances of winning Prowl's spark over felt like such an outside possibility.

"Well, maybe he's just waiting for the right mech to come along. You just gotta sweep him off his feet is all. I know you can do that. You're like the most charming mech I've ever met," Blaster said.

"I dunno," Jazz replied as they pulled off the highway into town. "What if he's one of those mechs that doesn't like that romance stuff?"

"Jazz, you could charm a Decepticon into becoming an Autobot given the chance," Blaster replied with a laugh.

Jazz paused at the stoplight. "You really think I have a chance, huh?"

"Look, Jazz. You're his _only_ real friend. If anyone has a chance, it's you. I mean do you really want to pretend you aren't in love with him? That's not like you at all. The Jazz I know would buzz his door, grab him and blow him away with the most amazing kiss," Blaster replied, sounding so amazingly confident in Jazz.

Blaster's reassurances were nice and all, but Jazz couldn't shake the feeling that there must be a reason Prowl never showed any interest in anyone. Yet at the same time, he had to agree that holding back wasn't like him, either. In fact maybe that was why this whole thing was making him feel so uneasy and confused. "Yeah, maybe you're right. I'm supposed to hang out with him tomorrow."

"See? That's perfect. Do it then," Blaster cheerfully said. "Then tell me all about it after."

"All right," Jazz replied. "I'll try." Nothing about this was sure, though. He would be risking rejection and possibly ruining the most meaningful friendship he'd ever had. He'd waited so long to find his true love, and prayed to Primus his spark wasn't setting him up for spark-break by choosing Prowl.

…

_Lighting flickered as the secondary generator struggled to keep what was left of the base powered. The forces Megatron sent in were clad in the latest armor upgrades and weaponry. Using everything at their disposal, the Autobot troops stationed at the outpost managed to push back the attack. Although, not without several casualties. _

_They were all currently occupying the basement of the base, having used the one entrance to the area as a choke point to stop the attack. The basement of the base was surprisingly extensive with several rooms linked together. Prowl gazed at the offlined forms of 12 soldiers, carefully lined up side by side in one of the side rooms. Each had given their lives to protect the others. Sadness and grief filled his spark at the sight, but he needed to be strong for the rest who'd survived. _

"_Sir?"_

_He glanced to the doorway of the room, spying the young soldier who'd addressed him. "Yes?"_

"_Any idea where the commander went?" the soldier asked. "I wanted him to know I sent the distress message out successfully."_

"_I'm not too sure, but go back with the others and I'll locate him," Prowl replied._

"_Yes, sir," the soldier replied._

_Prowl gave one last long look at the deceased_. "I thank each one of you for your sacrifice," _he mentally told them before he left the room in search of Magnus. _

_The surviving troops were together in another of the rooms, comforting each other as best they could. Prowl paused as at the doorway, gazing at their battered frames. The chances for their survival were extremely low, but Prowl took some solace in seeing hope still flickering in their faces. _

_He softly sighed air from his intakes, and started his search for Magnus. _

_The sound of shuffling from a storage area caught Prowl's attention. He wandered into the dark room. The damage to the base had apparently knocked the lighting out in this back section. "Magnus?" Prowl called out as he walked in, putting on his headlights to light up the area._

"_Turn that light off," Ultra Magnus disembodied voice replied from the very back of the space. _

_Prowl did as he was told, and moved toward where he heard the voice. On the other side of a set of large metal containers he found Magnus sitting on the floor. He was leaned against the wall, holding what looked like a cup of energon. Rations came in cube form, which meant it wasn't regular energon he was drinking. _

"_Getting over-energized on high-grade seems like a poor idea, considering the circumstances," Prowl said. _

_Ultra Magnus looked up at Prowl. "You stay sober, then. You're more help to them I am anyway." He lifted the cup up and drank the remainder of spiked fuel. _

_Prowl knelt down beside Ultra Magnus. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."_

_Ultra Magnus only grunted in reply. He picked up a cylinder that held more high-grade, attempting to pour more into the cup but fumbling with the simple task in the darkness. Prowl swiftly moved to help steady his lover's hands. "Please. Don't drink anymore."_

"_All right," Ultra Magnus said as he let Prowl take the cylinder and cup away. _

_Prowl carefully placed them out of reach, and when he turned back found himself staring into Ultra Magnus' true optics. He'd removed the shades he normally wore over them, revealing their dazzling lavender color. "Oh, Magnus," Prowl said in a sympathetic tone._

_Ultra Magnus reached out a tugged on Prowl's arm. "Come here."_

_Prowl moved closer, intending to curl up at his side, but his lover had other ideas. _

"_No, here," he said as he patted his lap. _

_Prowl hesitated. He'd never seen Magnus drunk. There was also no door to the room they were in. If any of the soldiers got curious and came looking for them, it could be very bad. _

"_Please," Ultra Magnus said, in a pleading tone. _

_Prowl could see so much hurt in Ultra Magnus' optics. Wanting to comfort him, he nodded and moved to straddle his lap. He placed his hands on the broad chest facing him and gazed into those lovely optics watching him. "You do realize there is no door to this room."_

_Ultra Magnus quirked a half-smile. "Like I give a frag at this point." His hands slid along Prowl's waist, massaging the plating._

"_Magnus, I understand you are upset. We all are, but giving into despair is not the answer. The message you asked to be sent out was successfully transmitted. I'm sure that Optimus will send—" Prowl sharply gasped, cutting himself off as a heated pleasure shot through his entire frame. Ultra Magnus' fingers had moved to stroke the hinges connecting his doorwings to the curve of his backplate. Fighting off the distracting sensation, he frowned at him. "Did you do that to quiet me?"_

"_I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of hope." Ultra Magnus leaned forward, lightly touching their noses together. "Make it stop hurting," he whispered. _

"_I don't know how," Prowl whispered back._

_Magnus tipped his head and lightly ghosted his lips against Prowl's. "Please…"_

_The last thing Prowl wanted to see was Magnus coming undone like this. Unraveling before his optics under the pressure. If giving him a moment of pleasure would help relieve the pain, then Prowl was willing to try. He pressed their lips together, initiating a kiss. All of this was still so new to Prowl. A small thrill rippled through him when their lips parted and glossae met in the middle. The concentrated heat between their linked mouths caused his core temperature to spike. Magnus' hands wandered over the curve of his back and outward, splaying out over the backsides of his doorwings. Prowl softly moaned into the kiss as his whole frame trembled with desire. He had so little control when it came to being touched like this by Ultra Magnus._

_Ultra Magnus pulled back, breaking their hot kiss. He stared deeply into Prowl's optics. "So beautiful and so sensitive." _

_Embarrassed at the compliment, Prowl glanced downward. _

_Ultra Magnus placed a gentle kiss to one of the ends of Prowl's chevron. "Sorry. I know you hate when I say things like that."_

_Prowl met Ultra Magnus' gaze. "I don't hate it. I'm simply self-conscious."_

"_You have nothing to be embarrassed about." Ultra Magnus recaptured Prowl's lips in another heated kiss. Prowl's fingers flexed against his broad chest, feeling the small waves of heat rolling off Ultra Magnus' plating. _

_Why did Ultra Magnus' touch elicit such an amazing physical reaction? Prowl could feel his internal systems growing hot and his port already aching for the connection he knew was coming. Their kiss broke again. _

_Ultra Magnus' now lustful gaze dragged over Prowl's frame. He reached between them, and lightly tapped Prowl's interface array cover in an unspoken request. Prowl moved from sitting to kneeling as he triggered the panel open. He braced himself against Ultra Magnus by grabbing hold of his shoulders as his whole body trembled with anticipation. Soon his port was filled with fingers, triggering the sensors within. Prowl's body shuddered, and he bit back he desire to moan, not wanting to alert the troops to what was going on. _

_In the darkness of this corner, concerns about the dead, about the fact they were probably not going to survive all floated away on a cloud of pleasure. He now understood why Magnus wanted to interface. It was a way to blot out pain, even if only temporarily. A way to escape the walls around them by making the walls of their very frames tremble and shake. _

_A familiar clicking sound caused Prowl to shift his gaze downward. His optics and Magnus' were the only source of light in the dark space. The outlined shape of his own jack made a shadow on the one below it. "Magnus…" Prowl whispered. _

"_Prowl…" _

_Fingers pulled free, and his port ached at the loss. Large hands guided Prowl's hips, and he felt the tip of Ultra Magnus' jack tease the entrance of his port. His grasp on Ultra Magnus' shoulders tightened. He felt scrapes and dents in the paneling his fingers were clinging to from their recent battle. There were so many lives lost, and here he was lost in the moment. Was this wrong? Was this fair to be doing with a room of other damaged troops so close by?_

_A strange mixture of guilt, desire, and confusion filled his processor. Ultra Magnus gently pushed down on Prowl's hips, his jack pressing inside Prowl, and all higher thoughts gave way under the weight of the pleasure blossoming inside him. He leaned forward, pressing his face into the crook of Ultra Magnus' neck so he could muffle the moans he was unable to stifle. They soon settled into a rhythm, Prowl rolling his hips against Ultra Magnus', grinding their linked bodies together. _

_Prowl felt something wet on his upper arm. Fighting the haze of arousal fogging his processor, he twisted to look. His optics lit what looked like liquid on his arm. Was Magnus injured and leaking energon? Prowl's pleasurable haze lifted away, replaced with concern, and he sat back searching in the darkness for the cause. It took only a moment to see, though. Tears of coolant were pouring down Ultra Magnus' cheeks. _

"_Magnus?" Prowl whispered, and he stopped all motion and reached out to cup his face and wipe at the tears staining his cheeks with his thumbs. Ultra Magnus grew still, dimming his optics and glancing away from Prowl's worried gaze._

"_What's the point? A lifetime of nothing ends with nothing. We fought and for what?" Magnus faintly shook his head against Prowl's gentle hold. "It still hurts."_

"_I don't understand. I thought you wanted to interface?" Prowl whispered. "Am I not providing what you wanted?"_

"_My spark still hurts, Prowl. It won't stop aching," Ultra Magnus replied in an unusually small voice. "I just want it to stop." His large fingers lifted to his own chest, where he clawed at its surface. _

_Seeing Magnus in such a broken state of mind quashed what was left of Prowl's desire. He shifted, disconnecting himself from Ultra Magnus. "What can I do? Tell me how to help."_

_Ultra Magnus shook his head. "We're gonna die down here. There is so much I never got to experience." He then looked up at Prowl with pleading optics. "Share your spark with me."_

_Prowl frowned. "What?"_

"_I just want to know what it feels like, don't you?" Ultra Magnus asked, tears still pooling on his optics. _

"_I suppose…" Prowl honestly had no idea that was something they could do, but if it would ease Ultra Magnus's pain, then he was willing to try it. "What do we do?"_

_Ultra Magnus glanced down and gently tapped his chest plate. "Just open up." The very middle of his broad chest shifted and opened, exposing the brilliant life's light of his spark beneath. "I know you can make it stop hurting," he whispered._

_Captivated by the amazing sight, Prowl took a moment to gaze at the pure light pulsing and glowing before his optics. Wanting to give his lover the comfort he was seeking, Prowl initiated the sequence to open his open chest up, revealing his own spark. The light from their sparks lit the dark corner of the room. _

"_Amazing," Ultra Magus said in an awed tone as he stared inside Prowl. _

"_How do we do this?" Prowl asked, unsure how sharing sparks even worked. _

"_Like this." Ultra Magnus encircled Prowl's frame in his broad arms, and hugged him close, pressing the openings flush. Prowl curled up against Ultra Magnus, once again burying his face in the crook of his larger partner's neck. _

_At first it felt odd. Their sparks pulsed against one another, simply pressing their indefinable borders together. It didn't feel good like having the sensors inside his port stimulated. He wondered what the appeal of this was to Ultra Magnus. Then he felt his essence start to sink into the one it was up against. A completely different feeling started to take over, echoing outward from his spark and overtaking every micro-meter of his frame. It felt good at its core, sad, lost, so many different things at once. Prowl tried to identify the feeling rolling through him when suddenly it hit him, it was Magnus he was feeling. Magnus was inside of him. Or was he inside Magnus? His processor was muddled with confusion, and his body started to shudder with what was both pleasure as well as pain. Prowl whined into Ultra Magnus' neck, suddenly afraid of what was happening. He didn't want to lose himself like this._

I'm scaring you.

_Prowl's optics flared as he realized he'd heard Magnus' voice inside his processor._

Please, stop, _Prowl mentally pleaded_.

Of course, anything you want.

_Prowl felt the strange displacement fade away. His whole frame trembled involuntarily as he felt their sparks unwind from one another and return to their chests. As soon as he felt his spark had completely returned he quickly closed his chest plate. Despite the fact it was over, Prowl felt like his processor was still swimming in the weird sensations. _

_Ultra Magnus' hold remained tight as he shifted to lie on his side on the floor, taking Prowl with him. Prowl considered trying to free himself, but a thick wave of exhaustion had washed throughout his whole body the moment their sparks parted. He decided to curl up against Ultra Magnus and try to rest. It would do both of them some good to recharge. Maybe things would feel better when he woke up._

._._._._.

Things were never the same after that moment.

Prowl's previous recharge cycle had once again been overtaken by an old, painful memory file surfacing, causing Prowl to online early. The intensity of it drove him from his room and to his office in an attempt to distract himself with work. He sat quietly at his desk as he entered the shift assignments for the crew for the upcoming Earth week.

He'd been so naïve back then. His desire to please overtaking his own reservations about what was happening. If he'd asked what spark merging did, or why Magnus wanted to, then he doubted he be sitting here a bonded mech. He paused typing, and blankly stared at the screen. He wished he could visit his old self, tell him not to be so timid. Not to give up so easily to another, to be strong in the face of unknown, and to ask about that unknown before jumping into it.

A lesson learned at a very high price.

Prowl worried these memory files that were resurfacing might end up fracturing his careful control over his emotions. How in the world was he going to keep it together once Magnus was here? His spark seemed to answer that internal question with a name: Jazz. But Prowl knew that was an equally treacherous territory to tread in.

He softly sighed air from his intakes in frustration. At least he trusted Jazz and knew if he really did start to break down he could lean on his best friend. He just prayed to Primus he could trust himself not to misstep while in such an emotionally vulnerable place.

* * *

><p><em>AN- Thanks for reading and reviewing, too. I appreciate all the kind words and excitement you all have for my story. Next chapter will be interesting for sure. ^.~_


	4. Exposed

Title: Heavy in Your Arms- Exposed

Author: pl2363

Series: Transformers AU/G1

Rating: T+ (for this chapter) for kissing.

Title borrowed from "Heavy in Your Arms" by Florence + the Machine, which is the main inspirational song for this fic.

"Sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release  
>Wish for falling through the air to give me some relief<br>Because falling's not the problem, when I'm falling I'm at peace  
>It's only when I hit the ground it causes all the grief." … 'Falling' by Florence + the Machine<p>

* * *

><p>Jazz nervously fingered the container of energon goodies in his grip. He'd been saving them for a special occasion and thought it would be nice to share them with Prowl while they played a few games of 'Go'. Of course, he was hoping they might do a little more than play if he could somehow manage to gather the courage to tell Prowl about his newfound feelings. He had been standing at Prowl's door for a couple of kilks, trying to mentally word a confession, but nothing seemed to sound right. He frowned at the door, finally stopped stalling, and pressed the buzzer. He felt like his spark was pulsing a million miles an hour. Primus, he couldn't remember ever feeling this nervous about anything.<p>

The door whooshed open and revealed Prowl, who warmly smiled. "Hello, there."

Jazz smiled back. "Hi."

Prowl stepped to the side, and Jazz wandered into his room. For a small space crammed with a lot of things, it was as neat and orderly as ever. Jazz glanced over to the small semi-circular couch and short table in front of it. Prowl had already set up the game board.

"What is that in your hands?" Prowl asked.

Jazz's attention snapped back to Prowl. His spark gently fluttered his chest as he stared into his friend's piercing ice blue optics. Primus, Prowl was pretty. Seeing him in this new light was very distracting. "Huh?"

Prowl gave Jazz a questioning look. "I asked what you've got there."

Jazz looked down at his hands. "Oh! Yeah, energon treats. I've been savin' them. Thought they might be good to snack on while we played. Like the ol' days."

Prowl smiled at Jazz. "Thoughtful as always."

"I try," Jazz replied with a grin.

Prowl moved to sit on the couch, and motioned for Jazz to join him.

"Would you like the first move? Or should I go first?" Prowl asked as Jazz sat down beside him.

Jazz knew he really should be making the first move, but not in regards to the game. Blaster said he should sweep Prowl off his feet, 'charm' him. Jazz looked at Prowl, a nervous smile pulling at his lips. "Nah, you can go first."

Prowl sat forward on the couch, taking his time as he carefully chose where to place his piece. Jazz watched at him intently, still trying to find words that would convey how he felt, but no words seem even remotely adequate.

Glancing over as Jazz, Prowl canted his head. "How was the concert last night?"

"Oh, good. More Blaster's taste in music than mine, but they were purdy good live," Jazz replied.

Prowl sat back, after finishing his opening move. Jazz leaned over the board, and quickly slid his tile into place without much thought. Prowl frowned vaguely as leaned forward again and considered his second piece placement. He was such a tactician sometimes, trying to anticipate what might happen based on the barest information.

"You know, it doesn't get rollin' until we get some tiles down," Jazz said in a teasing tone.

Prowl smiled, but didn't break his gaze on the board as he moved his second piece into place. "But I like riling you up by taking too long."

"Oh, that's yer plan, huh?" Jazz relaxed a little, and tossed another piece down at random. "Well, ya know me. I like plannin' on the fly."

"Which is why I love playing this game with you. It's always interesting." Prowl set another tile down.

"Interestin', eh?" Jazz slid another tile into place, his nervousness slowly lifting away.

Prowl locked gazes with Jazz. A small, sad, yet affectionate smile played across his lips. "I want you to know that I very much appreciate the extra effort you've made to spend time with me."

Jazz gazed back into Prowl's light blue optics, completely captivated by them. "I told you I'm here fer ya."

Despite some traces of sadness remaining, Prowl's smile took on an airy, light quality as it grew larger. "Your turn."

Jazz chuckled, finding Prowl not only beautiful but cute, too. He then moved his next piece. Prowl sat forward again and took his time to consider his next move.

As Jazz watched Prowl he suddenly realized there was no way to 'charm' him. Unlike everyone else in his life, Prowl saw him as he truly was. Swooping in with rehearsed words designed to evoke romance would never work on Prowl. His confession needed to be from the depths of his spark. The problem was he couldn't seem to find his emotional footing to have a point to jump off from. No words seemed to properly encompass the feelings now bubbling within him. These new feelings were too large, too sweeping, too intense.

Instead of telling him, Jazz settled into the familiar role he played in their friendship. At first they bantered a little, then they grew quiet as the game progressed. Pieces accumulated on the board, black and white fighting for dominance. Time passed, their silence betraying the level of concentration they were each putting toward the game. Eventually Prowl's white tiles had surrounded most of Jazz's black ones in small pockets.

Prowl settled back against the couch after another one of his turns. Jazz sat forward, scrutinizing the board while chewing on an energon goodie.

"You're being quiet, even for you," Prowl said.

Jazz glanced at him, swallowed his treat, and then offered a small smile. "I was focused on tryin' to beat ya at somethin'."

Prowl laughed. "Oh?"

Focusing on the game was so much easier than focusing on his feelings. As he looked over at Prowl, Jazz felt a small wave of courage sweep through him. He needed to just get it all out, to tell Prowl how he felt no matter how awkward or un-charming it maybe. "Prowl, I actually really wanted to tell ya somethin'—"

Prowl's optics brightened as he held up one of his hands halting Jazz's attempt to confess his feelings. "I'll be right down."

"Huh?" Jazz said.

"Ratchet just commed me. The twins beat the slag out of one another, I need to get down to medbay," Prowl replied with an apologetic frown.

_Fraggit!_ "Why do _you_ gotta deal with it? Let Ironhide do it," Jazz said, hoping against hope Prowl wouldn't leave.

"I would but Sunstreaker is supposed to go on the scout mission tomorrow. I need to determine if he still should or not. I'm sorry. We'll do this again when I get back from the mission, all right?" Prowl canted his head at Jazz.

Jazz's spark was fluttering and burning all at once. This wasn't how this evening was supposed to end. And was worse, he'd have to wait two Earth days before he'd get another shot at it. "You gotta promise we'll hang out when you get back."

"I promise," Prowl replied with a small smile.

Jazz sadly watched Prowl get up and offer another apologetic smile before exiting the room. For a long moment, Jazz sat in Prowl's quarters alone. His gaze settled on the game board. He'd lost in more than one way, but at least he'd get another chance. Feeling defeated, he finally got to his feet and silently left the room, returning to his own quarters. Maybe listening to some good music could ease his disappointment.

…

A perfectly wonderful evening with Jazz ended early thanks to the twins' disruptive behavior. Prowl fought to hide his irritation as he approached the medbay doors. Despite his fear of exposing his secret love for Jazz, he'd found so much comfort in his presence over the last couple of Earth days. Having to suddenly leave not only annoyed Prowl, but had caused his spark to ache, too.

Prowl carefully schooled his face to not show any of the emotions teeming inside him before walking though the doors. Inside, he found Ratchet bent over Sideswipe, tending his shoulder socket. Two berths over sat Sunstreaker with his head hung low, staring off into nothingness.

"Hey, Prowl," Ratchet said, without looking up from his repairs.

"How extensive are the damages?" Prowl asked.

"_Hi, Ratchet. How are things?_ Oh you know, repairs. Thanks for asking, Prowl," Ratchet said, having both sides of the conversation for them.

Sideswipe snickered.

The last thing Prowl wanted to deal with was Ratchet picking on him in addition to everything else. "Your sarcasm is noted and not appreciated."

Ratchet glanced over his shoulder. "Wouldn't kill you to say 'Hello'."

Prowl internally bristled. He and Ratchet had never gotten along very well, but Ratchet was being especially acid-tongued this evening. "I apologize if my desire to get to the point bothers you."

"What bothers me is having these two idiots frag up my evening," Ratchet said as he harshly snapped a piece of plating back in place.

"Oww!" Sideswipe yelped.

"Sorry, Prowl. Don't mean to take it out on you. Me and 'Jack were in the middle of _things_ when I got commed down here," Ratchet said.

"Things?" Sideswipe repeated.

"Yeah, _things_. Not getting to overload tends to make me _extra_ grumpy," Ratchet replied.

"Ewww, Ratchet! I don't wanna imagine you doing that! And with Wheeljack especially!" Sideswipe made a disgusted face at Ratchet.

"Consider it payback," Ratchet said with a nefarious-looking grin as he grabbed his welder to finish the repair.

Prowl momentarily let go of his annoyance with Ratchet and glanced past him and Sideswipe, focusing on Sunstreaker. He hadn't said a word. He appeared to be brooding more than usual. "What happened between you two?"

"Nothing," Sideswipe said. "Brothers fight. Especially when one is being a total aft."

Sunstreaker remained silent. Prowl searched his face for some sort of reaction to his brother's explanation, but there was none. Only the lingering look of pain and anger he'd had on since Prowl walked in.

"If it were truly nothing you wouldn't be in need of repairs," Prowl replied, switching his attention back to Sideswipe.

Sideswipe snorted, but offered nothing more than that as a retort.

"You two are nothing but trouble and a pain in my aft," Ratchet grumbled.

"Is Sunstreaker in need of your medical attention?" Prowl asked Ratchet.

"He only had minor damages. I already fixed him up," Ratchet replied.

"Sunstreaker," Prowl said in a commanding tone. "Come with me."

Sunstreaker grimaced, then slid off the berth and walked up to Prowl. He glanced at his brother and the two exchanged sneering looks.

"Let's speak in the hallway." Prowl led Sunstreaker just outside the medbay doors. Once in the hall, Prowl turned to face much larger warrior. "Tell me what happened."

"I'd rather not say," Sunstreaker replied.

"By not disclosing the nature of the argument, I won't be able to determine if you are still fit for our mission. I'd prefer you shared with me what happened, otherwise I will have to assume the worst and punish accordingly," Prowl officiously explained.

Sunstreaker's optics dimmed as he fixed his gaze on the floor between them, seeming to resign himself to his fate. "We got in a fight over Blue."

"Bluestreak?" Prowl asked, clarifying.

"Yeah." Sunstreaker frowned.

The lack of Decepticon activity meant more than Prowl getting to spend time with Jazz, it also apparently meant more time for socialization on the base between all the crew. "Am I to assume you are both attracted to Bluestreak, which is what led to the fight? Is that correct?"

Sunstreaker frowned deeply as he nodded.

"How serious of a fight was it?" Prowl asked.

Sunstreaker's head was still hung low as he glanced up at Prowl from under the rim of his helm. "What do you mean?"

"Well, would taking you on this mission give you two some space and time to cool off?" Prowl asked.

"Probably." Sunstreaker then dropped his gaze back to the floor. "And then Sides will make a move on him while I'm away and I'll get mad all over again."

Prowl huffed air from his intakes in frustration. "You two need to settle this issue by discussing the situation with Bluestreak, not by getting in fist fights with each other."

"I know." Sunstreaker shook his head vaguely. "He just always pushes my buttons."

"How about this? You will come on the mission as planned, giving the two of you some space, and I'll switch Bluestreak and Sideswipe's schedules for the next two days putting them at opposite hours," Prowl offered.

Sunstreaker's gaze lifted as his optics brightened. "You'd do that?"

"I'm not totally devoid of sympathy, you know." Prowl simply wanted what was best for everyone, even for the often times exasperating twins.

Sunstreaker looked shocked by Prowl's effort to accommodate. "Uh, yeah. That'd be good."

"Then it's agreed," Prowl replied.

Sunstreaker nodded. "Yes, sir. And…Thank you."

"Of course," Prowl replied. "I'll escort you back to the barracks. Wait here a moment."

Prowl re-entered medbay. Ratchet appeared to be almost done with his repairs to Sideswipe's shoulder.

"Sideswipe, your shift will be moved to evening patrols for two days," Prowl stated without room for argument.

"What?" Sideswipe looked at Prowl with pleading optics. "Come on! That means I can't hang out in the lounge!"

"Consider it your punishment," Prowl replied.

Sideswipe frowned at Prowl. "And Sunny? What's his punishment? He's the one that nearly ripped my arm out of the socket!"

"He will still take part in the off-base mission under my strict supervision," Prowl replied. "I'm sure he would see that as equal punishment."

Ratchet let out a laugh.

"That's so not fair," Sideswipe muttered. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"I have a hard time believing you had no part in instigating the fight between you two," Prowl replied. Sideswipe made a pouting face, then looked away. Prowl shifted his gaze to Ratchet. "Is Sunstreaker cleared?"

"Yep." Ratchet locked gazes with Prowl. "And sorry for giving you a hard time, Prowl. I was pretty fragged off when I got down here."

"Apology accepted, and in the future I'll try to be more cordial," Prowl replied.

Ratchet chuckled, then turned his focus back to finishing the repair. "Don't worry about it and don't mind me. Just be yourself, Prowl."

Prowl found Ratchet's words oddly comforting. Perhaps they'd never be friends, but it did seem that they understood one another. He then gave Sideswipe one last disapproving look before exiting medbay.

Prowl walked with Sunstreaker back to the barracks. Sunstreaker kept giving him side-glances, showing his continued disbelief at Prowl's actions.

"Night, Prowl," Sunstreaker said as he reached his door and palmed the entry pad.

"See you in the morning at 600 hours," Prowl replied before continuing down the corridor to his own quarters.

Walking into his room, his gaze landed on the unfinished game and open container of energon treats sitting on the small couch. Remnants of a delightful evening interrupted. Prowl walked over and picked up the open container, snapping the lid shut as he did so. He wondered if Jazz was in his room or not as stared at the container in his grip. A small battle waged inside him as his spark urged him to knock and see while his processor told him not to bother Jazz.

"What could it hurt to knock?" Prowl said quietly to himself, allowing his spark to win out and knowing he really just wanted to see him one last time before he left.

…

Slumped in his desk chair, Jazz stared out across his room. He'd put on a music mix Blaster made him that consisted of mostly female humans singing along with one or two instruments. It was a somewhat sullen mix, which matched his mood.

He kept replaying the evening in his mind, silently torturing himself with a million 'what ifs'. What if he'd just blurted it out when he got there? What if he'd tried to explain his feelings even half a breem sooner? What if he'd managed to tell Prowl only to be met with rejection? An uneasy feeling rolled through his gut at that thought. What _would_ he do if he ended up being rejected? He would have gambled and lost it all. The cost was so steep, but at the same time if Prowl returned his feelings it could be so incredible. Best friends who knew each other so well, also being lovers and bondmates would be like combining his two most favorite things into one.

The buzzer to his room sounded. Jazz gave the door a harsh stare. In all likelihood, Smokescreen was stopping by. "Great," Jazz murmured to himself as he steeled himself to dole out a rejection himself. He got to his feet and hit the release. To his complete shock, a different door-winged mech was standing on the other side. "Prowl…?"

Prowl's doorwings perked up on his back. "Were you occupied?"

"Nah." Jazz stared at Prowl, surprised by the impromptu arrival. "I thought you were dealin' with the twins."

"Everything is settled with them." Prowl held out the container of energon treats. "I thought I might return this and also thank you for the one game we did play."

Jazz glanced at the container, then back at Prowl. Had fate delivered Prowl here? This was his chance and Jazz knew if he didn't act now, he'd be kicking himself for it later. He grabbed Prowl's wrist and gently tugged. "I actually was tryin' to tell ya somethin' when ya left earlier. Come in fer a sec."

A somewhat dubious look crossed Prowl's face.

Jazz offered Prowl a small smile. "Please?"

Prowl softly sighed air from his intakes as he nodded. "All right."

The door slid shut once they were both in the room. Jazz watched Prowl carefully set the container down amidst the mess of datapads and various junk that covered Jazz's desk. He then glanced over at Jazz with an expectant look.

This was his chance to tell Prowl about how his spark had chosen him. About how much he wanted them to have a life together. How he could see them being so happy if only Prowl would give them a chance. Excitement and fear mixed within Jazz's spark. As scary as the unknown before him was, his excitement and his spark's happy pulsing pushed him forward.

Jazz parted his lips to speak, but with so many different feelings and thoughts running a mile a minute through his processor he found he was unable to get any words out. He sheepishly smiled and moved closer to Prowl with a step.

Prowl's face relayed his confusion. "I thought you had something to tell me?"

"I do," Jazz replied. "I just… I can't think of…" Frowning, he trailed off. Maybe telling Prowl was the wrong way to do it. Maybe he needed to show him. Stepping even closer, Jazz reached down and took Prowl's hand in his own. Prowl's doorwings perked up as he quickly glanced down at their linked hands then back up at Jazz. "Thing is, there just aren't words big enough." Jazz reached up with his free hand, cupping Prowl's face as he leaned in close. He let his nose lightly touch Prowl's as he gazed deeply into his lovely light blue optics.

"Jazz…" Prowl's fingers tightened their grip around his hand.

Tilting to one side, Jazz ever so lightly ghosted his lips against Prowl's and paused. His spark was pulsing fast and hard. This was it. If Prowl was going to pull back, tell him to stop, it would be in this moment. Prowl maintained his vice-like grip on Jazz's hand and let his optics dim, but was all. Jazz took Prowl's lack of protest as acceptance, and pressed his lips to Prowl's initiating a kiss. Their first kiss.

He slid his lips against Prowl's, gently mouthing the lower one. He was pleasantly surprised when Prowl reciprocated, mouthing back. Prowl then reached out, his free hand grabbing a tight hold of Jazz's hip. Smiling into the kiss, Jazz parted his lips, pulling Prowl's along with his and then sliding his glossa past the opening. On the other side his glossa met with Prowl's in a lovely heated greeting. Their glossae pressed together and slid over each other between their linked mouths. Prowl tasted sweet, his touch felt so warm.

Jazz had kissed countless mechs over the stellar cycles, but this felt so different. This was almost as intoxicating as the best high-grade he'd ever consumed. His whole frame was tingling in response, something that had never happened to him before. His spark was bursting with so much love and affection it felt like it might escape his chest.

Their kiss seemed to exist in a ceaseless moment of time. Finally, they each pulled back their tangled glossae and the kiss ended with brief lip only contact, as if sealing their now shared fate.

Jazz stared into Prowl's optics. The quivering of Prowl's doorwings drew his attention. He gave them a quick look, then locked his gaze with Prowl's again, gently sweeping his thumb over his cheek plate. "Wow…"

Prowl's trembling moved from his doorwings, taking over his whole frame. It was then Jazz noticed that Prowl didn't look happy. He looked… alarmed.

"Oh, Jazz. Why-why did you do that?" Prowl asked, tears pooling on his optics.

Confused, Jazz canted his head. "What do ya mean?"

Prowl dropped his gaze downward and shook his head. "You shouldn't have done that. _I_ shouldn't have let you do that…" His fingers flexed against Jazz's hip.

"Prowl, I'm fallin' for ya- Frag that, I've fallen for ya, _hard_. Yer everythin' I wanted all along, but I'm so fraggin' clueless I didn't see it. I see it now, though. You're all I need, all I want." Jazz gently lifted Prowl's face up so he could look into his optics again. Of all the words that might capture how he felt, he knew there were three that would cut to the heart of things. "I love ya, Prowl."

Tears that had pooled on Prowl's optics escaped. In all the time he'd known Prowl, he'd never seen him cry before. It was strange to see, and yet at the same time this vulnerable side of Prowl was infinitely beautiful to Jazz.

"You don't want me," Prowl whispered.

"Hey, I think I know what I want," Jazz replied. He didn't understand Prowl's reaction, and all the love he felt bursting forth within himself was no longer able to blot out the feeling of doom his processor was now hitting him with. _There's a reason Prowl's never dated anyone…_

Prowl vaguely shook his head. "You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me," Jazz said in a softened tone of voice. Whatever it was, he had confidence it wouldn't be anything they couldn't overcome.

"I'm bonded, Jazz. My spark is already bonded." More tears pooled and escaped down Prowl's faceplates. "You don't want me and you certainly don't deserve the burden I carry."

Of all the things Prowl could have said, being bonded was not something Jazz had expected to hear. They'd been friends for so long, and Prowl had once never mentioned it. But then, there was a lot about Prowl's past Jazz didn't know. He vaguely shook his head in disbelief, his joy replaced with confusion and hurt. "Prowl, why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because I'm a selfish aft!" Prowl reared back, breaking their physical contact. He stood an arms-length away from Jazz, still trembling. "Because I never wanted to hurt you, but more than that, I never wanted this moment to happen. I never wanted you to reject me." Prowl spun around and slammed his hand into the door release.

Jazz stood frozen in place, unsure how to react. In the span of a klik everything he wanted was his and then it was taken away.

The gravity of Prowl's confession sank in. Prowl's spark being bonded already meant the life Jazz dreamt of could never happen with him. Prowl could never be his bondmate, and there would be no sparklings, no family. His processor was left reeling at the revelation. Yet his spark was still calling out, pushing in its chamber as if trying to reach Prowl. He clutched at his chest. That's when the truth about his feelings became clear to Jazz. Despite the fact he'd have to give up a lifelong dream he realized that he still wanted to be with Prowl because he _loved_ him more than some imagined future. He loved him more than anything in else in his life. And a life without Prowl at his side would be empty and meaningless. Propelled by his spark's desire for his chosen love, he broke free of his immobile state and ran into the hallway after him.

The door to Prowl's quarters slid shut a few meters away. Jazz hotfooted it to the door and pressed the buzzer. "Prowl!" Jazz hit the buzzer again, but the door remained tightly closed. Opening his comm line, Jazz pinged Prowl's signal. Busy. "Fraggit, Prowl," Jazz said as he braced himself against the door with his hands and let helm thud against it.

His spark was burning and aching in his chest now. A pain he'd not felt in so long. The last time it hurt this much had been when he went in and identified his younger siblings' bodies after Iacon was attacked. It was aching with loss. He'd lost Prowl.

"Jazz?"

While still pressing his helm against Prowl's door, Jazz turned his head toward the voice that had called his name. Smokescreen was making his way down the hallway toward him with a deeply worried look on his face.

"What are you doing?" Smokescreen asked as he drew closer to Jazz.

"Oh, you know. Ruining everything," Jazz replied in a humorless tone of voice.

"Huh?" Smokescreen came to a stop beside him and glanced at the door. "That's Prowl's quarters, right?"

"Yeah." Jazz pinged Prowl's line again, but it was still sending a 'busy' signal back. He winced from the pain in his spark.

Smokescreen touched Jazz's elbow lightly. "Something happen between you guys?"

"Yes and no," Jazz replied.

Looking worried, Smokescreen took hold of Jazz's arm. "Let's go back to your room. You can vent to me, okay?"

Jazz pushed back from the door and stared at it. What was he going to do? Spend the rest of the night camping it? That was ludicrous. Even if that's what he _did_ want to do, he was a ranking officer. It really wouldn't look very good to stay out here like that. "Okay," Jazz replied, now feeling somewhat dazed by the turn in events.

They walked into Jazz's room and Smokescreen led him to the berth. "Here, sit down. Tell me what's going on."

Jazz plopped down and glanced at his quarter's door as it slid shut. "Prowl came to see me. I kissed him and told him I love him. He told me he's already bonded, then he ran off." Even the barest explanation made his spark hurt even more. He rubbed harshly at his chest plate in a vain attempt to make it stop aching.

"That sucks slag." Smokescreen sat down in his desk chair, giving Jazz a sympathetic look. "You're rubbing your chest. Did your spark call out to him?"

Jazz shifted his gaze to the floor and nodded.

"Then that _really_ sucks slag." Smokescreen shook his head. "Praxians…"

Looking up, Jazz noted a lack of surprise in Smokescreen's voice. "What does that mean? Aren't you Praxian?"

Smokescreen smiled sadly. "My parents were. They fell in love with each other but they were from different social classes. Their families refused to let them stay together and pre-arranged bondings for them with other mechs. So they ran away. I was created and raised in Nova Cronum."

Arranged bondings… Prowl once said his parents were together due to an arranged bond. Jazz frowned. "Was that common in Praxus?"

"Yep. Didn't you say your one parent ran away, too?" Smokescreen asked.

Jazz's one father had been Praxian. He never knew why he came to Iacon, but suddenly he wondered if that was why. It would certainly make sense if it were true. "I don't know what he was runnin' from. He never told us," Jazz replied.

"My guess is, Prowl was bonded back before the war even started," Smokescreen said with a small half-frown.

Jazz shook his head. How could fate be this incredibly cruel to him? He'd lost his whole family and now he might end up losing the one mech that meant everything to him. Prowl was his counterbalance. His stability. The mech Jazz trusted implicitly. He was a beautiful, thoughtful, kind-sparked mech that was in every way Jazz's ideal for a lifelong companion. Having a bondmate and family meant so much to him, but as if fate were taunting him, he'd fallen in love with someone that could never be his bondmate.

Smokescreen sat forward in his seat, resting his arms on his legs as he watched Jazz. "So now what are you gonna do?"

"I don't know. He leaves tomorrow for a couple days," Jazz replied, frowning deeply.

"What I mean is, do you still wanna be with him? Do you still love him even if he's already bonded?" Smokescreen asked.

Without a second thought, Jazz found himself replying. "Yeah. I do."

Smokescreen smiled. "You'd give up on that whole 'love, bonding, sparklings' thing?"

No one in the entire universe could be what Prowl was to him. While it certainly stung to know some other mech had Prowl's spark, Jazz knew he'd never love anyone the way he loved Prowl. "Yeah. I _love_ him."

Smokescreen's smiled widened. "That's pretty huge for you. I'm impressed."

Jazz half-frowned at Smokescreen. "You make it sound like I was delusional."

"Come on, Jazz. You were trying to put love into a box. It isn't like that, though. Love is a force all its own. There's no predicting the path it takes, all you can do is hold on and ride along," Smokescreen replied.

"I'm barely hangin' on, then." Jazz then shook his head as his spark continued to ache. "I really need to talk to him. But he was so upset when he ran off. He won't answer me and I don't wanna wait two Earth days for him to come back from that fraggin' mission."

"Maybe a couple of days away will be good for him. Give him a chance to think things through," Smokescreen replied.

Jazz knew Prowl, though. He'd had probably already thought this all through in great detail. Made up his mind about what the outcomes would be and acted accordingly. By the way he kissed Jazz back, it was clear the attraction was there. It might have been there for a very long time, but he'd hidden it. Prowl really did seem to exist in a secret inner world not even Jazz had access to.

None of that mattered to Jazz, though. He loved Prowl, secrets, bond and all. "I just wanna tell him I love him no matter what."

Smokescreen rubbed his chin. "What time is he heading out? You could try to show up and talk to him before they leave."

"I don't know when they're leavin'." Jazz frowned. "And I kinda doubt it would be a short conversation anyway."

"Hmm. Yeah." Smokescreen shook his head. "I wish I could think of something helpful to do."

"Don't worry 'bout it. I actually just appreciate ya talkin' to me like this. I mean, I know we were sort of seein' each other and all that," Jazz replied.

Smokescreen smiled. "You and I both know nothing was going to come of it. I was in it for the excellent 'facing. Though, I'll admit I'm kinda bummed there won't be anymore late night visits."

In spite of himself, Jazz laughed a little.

"You gonna be okay if I head out? Or you want me to stay a bit?" Smokescreen asked.

"Nah, I'm as okay as I'm gonna be for the moment," Jazz replied.

Smokescreen pushed to stand and walked over to Jazz. He placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled down at him. "I have a feeling it'll work itself out."

"Thanks. I hope so," Jazz replied.

Once Smokescreen left, Jazz curled up on his berth and rubbed his chest plate. It was calling out for Prowl and aching at the same time. He knew love was a powerful force, but he never imagined it would take such an awkward turn on him, flipping all his ideals on their heads. Still, for that brief moment when they kissed everything felt so perfect, so right.

He offlined his optics. Waiting two Earth days was going to be awful, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. For now, he just wanted to escape what happened, not think about it anymore. It took some time, but eventually he managed to slip into a recharge.

_._._._

_Jazz lounged on the small couch in their tiny apartment watching the news broadcasts. Decepticons were mobilizing and moving closer to Iacon. Jazz hoped the city guardians and outer walls would hold them off. _

_He glanced over at his younger brothers sitting at the nearby table. They were all that was left of their once large family. Being the eldest of the surviving siblings, Jazz chose not to join the Autobot Army that had gotten their oldest brothers killed on the battlefront. Instead, Jazz provided for his remaining family by stealing valuables to sell or other mech's cards with credits. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than being dead. _

"_What are ya doing?" Breakcore asked their youngest brother._

"_Writin' a note, so leave me alone," Rave replied. He pulled the datapad on the table close to his chest and huddled over it. _

"_Is it a _love_ note?" Breakcore asked as he jabbed his brother in the side. _

_Rave jerked away. "Stop it!"_

"_Leave 'im alone, Break," Jazz said. _

_Breakcore glanced over at Jazz. "Aww, come'on. It's cute. He likes the mech that DJs at the music club. They traded _mixes_ the other night."_

"_It wasn't like that!" Rave replied. He looked at Jazz with overly bright optics. "I just made him a music mix. That's it!"_

_Jazz chuckled. "I see. So you did trade mixes!" _

_Rave huffed air from his intakes. "You two are so annoying!"_

_Jazz got up from the couch and walked the couple of meters to the table. He put a hand on Rave's shoulder and leaned over him, reading what he'd written so far. _

"_And nosy! Go away!" Rave said trying to shrug Jazz's hand off. _

"_Chill out. I just wanna see. Maybe we can help ya write somethin' really good," Jazz replied. _

"_Yeah, I'll help, too," Breakcore chimed in._

"_Well, I guess it's okay if you're gonna help me…" His youngest brother gazed up at Jazz. "He's really cute. He's got those awesome antennae information mechs have, the thin ones."_

"_Yah?" Jazz smiled down at his sibling. _

"_I just want him to like me back," Rave said with a small frown. "I thought if I wrote down how I felt it'd be easier than tryin' to tell him."_

"_I think that's a great idea, Rave," Jazz replied. _

_._._._

Jazz's optics flared on behind his visor as he woke from his recharge and memory file. "That's a perfect idea!" He nearly fell out of his berth, scrambling to get up. A quick check of the time told him it was still the middle of the night. If he hurried he could write down his feelings for Prowl and hopefully get it to him before he left.

Fumbling through the pile of datapads on his desk, Jazz searched for an empty one. He paused when the container of energon goodies slid off the pad it had been carefully set on and clunked against another datapad. In retrospect, Prowl returning that container was a pretty thinly veiled attempt to see Jazz. He picked up the container and set it on the shelf over his desk before resuming his search.

Once he found an empty datapad, he dropped to sit down in his desk chair and began to type feverishly. It wouldn't be a well-crafted love note, but Jazz didn't have time to pore over it.

"Thanks, Rave," he whispered to his dead sibling.

…

After spending a restless night sobbing his spark out, Prowl was now wandering the silent hallways of the Ark in a totally numb state. Everything felt dull and dark. He had filled his subspace pocket with energon rations for the two-day mission. It was a little earlier than the 600 hours he'd told Sunstreaker to meet him at, but he headed toward the entrance anyway.

"I'm such an idiot," Prowl whispered, reprimanding himself.

In a moment of weakness, he had wrecked everything. Prowl knew the moment Jazz took his hand what was coming and did nothing to stop it. It had been the most incredible kiss, too. Prowl lightly touched his lower lip as he slowly walked toward the Ark's entrance. It had been so long since he'd been touched like that. Jazz had been overflowing warmth and affection, and Prowl let it wash away all of his inhibitions, allowing him to give in to his secret, desperate love for him. But now Jazz knew about the bond. Knew that Prowl could never be the bondmate Jazz wanted. It was all over with now, and their friendship had possibly been destroyed along with all of their respective hopes and dreams.

A shiver ran up Prowl's back strut. He was completely alone. Again.

Light outside the entrance silhouetted Sunstreaker's frame. _He's early_, Prowl thought. He quickly pushed his pain down deep, placing his expressionless mask on as he walked up to Sunstreaker. "I appreciate your timely arrival," Prowl said, hearing the flatness in his own voice.

Sunstreaker grunted and frowned. He then shoved a datapad in Prowl's hands. "Here."

Prowl shook his head. "What is this for?"

"Jazz woke me up about an Earth hour ago, gave that to me and said to give it to you," Sunstreaker said, his voice sounding somewhat ragged from his shortened recharge.

"Jazz?" Prowl said, frowning at the datapad.

"Yeah." Sunstreaker canted his head. "Said it was important you get it and to read it when we get to the Black Mountains."

It took every ounce of energy Prowl had not to let his doorwings tremble. What could this be? Was it rejection in written form? Why had Jazz send it via Sunstreaker? Prowl stared at the datapad. He wanted to turn it on and yet he was terrified at what it might contain.

"We going?" Sunstreaker asked. "'Cause I'm fragging exhausted. Sooner we get on the road, sooner we'll get there."

Prowl glanced up at him as he slid the datapad in his subspace pocket beside the rations. "Yes. Let's go."

The drive would take them a few hours. At first, that seemed like a good thing. Time to calm down while in his alt mode so Sunstreaker wouldn't see how close to unraveling he was. But with each passing breem Prowl's desire to see what was on the datapad grew. He tore down the highways and back roads towards their assigned destination with Sunstreaker easily keeping pace, hoping to get there as soon as possible so he could see what that datapad contained.

:: I didn't know you could go so fast, :: Sunstreaker commented just over an hour into their drive.

:: The sooner we get there, the better. Correct? :: Prowl replied.

:: Well, yeah. Um, I kinda need to have a little energon soon, though, :: Sunstreaker said in a somewhat sheepish tone of voice.

:: You didn't fuel before we left? :: Prowl asked.

:: No. I was all out of it from being woken up early. Mind if we stop for a couple kilks? :: Sunstreaker replied.

Prowl slowed and took the next exit. :: Let's stop off the road here. ::

They safely exited the human roadway and came to a stop where they transformed. Sunstreaker glanced around. "Should we stay on the road? Or pop into the tree line?"

Prowl looked around at the blacktop street pitted with holes that had weeds poking up through the cracks. Humans didn't appear to use this particular section of road very much. "I don't think any humans will be traversing this area while you fuel."

"All righty." Sunstreaker pulled an energon cube from his subspace pocket and sipped at it.

Prowl pulled the datapad out and turned so his back was facing his mission partner. Nervously, he clicked the pad on. He silently steeled himself for the worst as the datapad powered on. One document was listed, a datafile. He hesitated, his white finger hovering over the file image on the screen. Even if it was bad, he needed to read it. Not knowing what it said was driving him insane. He tapped the screen, opening the file. It was a written message from Jazz.

"_Hey Prowl,_

_I'm not the best at writing things, as you know from checking my reports all the time. But I'm gonna give this a go anyway. So here it is…_

_I love you. That's all there is to it. I choose you. I want to spend my life with you. You've been my very best friend and I can't imagine finding anyone more perfect than you to love._

_So you're bonded. I'm not going to lie, that pretty much sucks slag. But the thing is, I know in my spark that whether we can bond or not you're the one for me. And even if we never do, I still want to live out my life with you at my side. Besides, I'm sure we could adopt some sparklings or something when the war's finally over. _

_I've never written a love letter before, so sorry if I sound super mushy. It's how I honestly feel, though. While you're out there on your mission please think about it. Please consider a relationship. It's what I want and I think it's what you want, too. _

_Be safe and know I love you no matter what,_

_-Jazz"_

Prowl touched the screen, running his fingers over the words "I love you no matter what." It was the sort of statement that lacked any logic but spoke to the purity of Jazz's spark. It was one of the facets of Jazz's personality he'd always envied and also adored.

"You all right?"

Reality dialed in around him as he glanced over his shoulder at Sunstreaker. _I'm overwhelmed. I'm not sure how to accept this. I'm not sure I should accept this._ "I'm fine."

"You look…" Sunstreaker's face twisted with confusion. "I dunno, but 'fine' is not what it looks like. Your doorwings are quivering like you're mad or something."

Prowl hugged the datapad to his chest as he turned to face Sunstreaker. "I don't share anything about my personal life with anyone, but if you must know I'm in the middle of an emotional crisis at the moment."

Sunstreaker's mouth gaped. "Uh. Okay."

"We should get back on the road," Prowl said as he turned the datapad off and subspaced it.

"Well, did you want to talk about it?" Sunstreaker asked.

Prowl shook his head. "I need time to think. Let's get back on the road."

"Sure, Prowl," Sunstreaker replied in a softer tone.

They both transformed and returned to the roadway. Prowl's desire to speed was now gone. The comm line remained thankfully quiet as they began up the roads that ascended the mountain range.

Prowl felt like his selfishness knew no bounds. He wanted to say 'yes' to all the things Jazz wanted for them. But the fact of the matter was, he was carrying a large, heavy burden inside his spark. A mistake that marked him for the remainder of his life. Something he never wanted to inflict on another, especially if that other was Jazz. He didn't deserve the pain that Prowl knew would eventually creep into their relationship if they did start one. As much as he wanted and craved the love Jazz was offering him, he was scared it would, in the end, hurt Jazz.

Primus, what was he going to do now?

* * *

><p><em>AN- Thanks for all the kind words in your reviews all the faves, too. I really do appreciate them all. Thank you, thank you! Unfortunately, I will be taking a break from this fic. Sorry in advance…_


	5. Damage Control

Title: Heavy in Your Arms- Damage Control

Author: pl2363

Series: Transformers AU/G1

Rating: T+ (for this chapter) for violence.

"This will be my last confession  
>'I love you' never felt like any blessing<p>

Whispering like it's a secret  
>Only to condemn the one who hears it<br>With a heavy heart." … 'Heavy in Your Arms' by Florence + the Machine

Thank you Wicked for betaing for me! 3

* * *

><p>The sun had started its final decent toward the horizon by the time they reached the Black Mountains. Prowl pulled off the mountain road and transformed. Sunstreaker followed suit. The larger warrior gave Prowl a funny look as if he wanted to say something but that he might not be sure what to say. Prowl hated this feeling of exposure. Of knowing another mech had a hint as to what was going on in his private world.<p>

"Let me call in," Prowl said as he turned away from Sunstreaker and looked out over the vista. He pinged the base.

:: Ironhide, here. ::

:: Prowl reporting in our location, :: he replied. Thankfully, the shift had changed about three breems earlier, avoiding the awkwardness of calling in while Jazz was on.

:: All righty. Got yer location pinpointed. How do things look up there? :: Ironhide asked in a semi-conversational tone.

:: Mountainous, :: Prowl replied.

:: Heh. Very descriptive. Well, try not kill Sunny while yer up there, and be sure to call in tomorra' at noon. Later, Prowl, :: Ironhide replied with a laugh.

Prowl glanced over at Sunstreaker. He stood silently staring out across the mountains and valley below them, still remaining silent. In fact, he hadn't said anything more since Prowl's confession hours earlier. Guilt filtered through Prowl for unloading on him like he had.

"Sunstreaker," Prowl said softly. "I want to apologize."

Sunstreaker glanced at Prowl. "For what?" he asked.

"For earlier. I didn't intend to burden you with my personal issues." Prowl's faceplates suddenly felt hot with his embarrassment.

Sunstreaker smiled sadly at Prowl. "Well, you didn't tell me anything, really."

"Still, I feel I displaced my own problem onto you, and I'm sorry for that," Prowl replied.

Sunstreaker then frowned at Prowl. "You're so weird. It's okay for me to tell you about my fight with Sides over Blue but you feel badly about even mentioning you were upset?"

Prowl dimmed his optics. "They are different situations."

"The only difference is that you hold all that stuff inside you. Sometimes you gotta vent," Sunstreaker replied. "Usually, I like venting to Sides when he's not being an aft to me. It helps make things clearer, you know? Don't you talk to Jazz about stuff?"

Prowl's doorwings involuntarily twitched in response. "Sometimes."

Sunstreaker's lips quirked into a small, knowing smile. "Oooh. I get it now. Whatever is going on has to do with _Jazz_." Sunstreaker faintly shook his head. "It sucks slag when the mech you usually talk to is the one you need to talk _about_, huh?"

"It does, indeed," Prowl replied.

"That's when I usually end up beating the slag outta Sides," Sunstreaker said with grin. "Well, I know I'm like your last choice for a friendly audio, but I'll offer it anyway," Sunstreaker said in an unusually warm tone of his voice.

"I appreciate the offer," Prowl replied with a small but sad smile. "Sadly, it's a rather complicated situation."

Sunstreaker looked sympathetic. "Well, the offer stands."

"Thank you." Prowl turned to glance around the area they'd stopped in. The sun had dipped below the horizon and darkness was quickly descending on them. "We should find a location to spend the night."

Sunstreaker also looked around. "What did you have in mind?"

"Let's walk up the roadway a bit and see if there is a secluded area we could make use of," Prowl said. He then turned and started walking up the steep, quiet road.

Sunstreaker followed closely behind him. Up around a bend was a small flat area just off the road tucked up against the mountain with trees growing around the edges. Prowl ducked under some of the branches into the small semi-enclosed area. "This will do. We can drive the mountain roads and run a sweep of the area tomorrow."

"Sounds good." Sunstreaker pulled a drying cloth out from his subspace pocket and proceeded to lay it out on the ground.

Prowl raised an optic ridge. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not recharging on this nasty dirt. Bad enough I'm covered in it from the drive," Sunstreaker replied as he lowered himself to sit on the cloth.

Vaguely shaking his head, Prowl also sat down on the ground. He pulled out an energon cube and then decided to also pull the datapad from his subspace pocket. He set the pad on his lap and stared at it as he sipped his energon. He felt sort of silly about the fact he wanted to read his love letter again. Once he finished his cube, he glanced at Sunstreaker. The large warrior was laid out on his makeshift blanket with his arms behind his head, staring up into the dark sky overhead.

Seeing that Sunstreaker appeared occupied with his own thoughts, Prowl decided to power on the datapad and opened the data file up again. His spark ached and fluttered all at once as he re-read the love letter from Jazz.

_I love you no matter what…_

Once again, Prowl ran his fingers over those words as if touching them might some how link him to Jazz. Such a romantic set of words written just how Jazz would speak. Prowl could practically hear his accented voice saying them in his processor. Though, sweet and loving as it was, the reality of such a relationship would be much harsher.

Prowl was not the first, nor would he be the last mech to bond to someone he wasn't in love with. He'd researched stellar cycles ago about his odds of having a long lasting relationship in the face of his already bonded spark when he first started to develop feelings for Jazz. The statistics were extremely discouraging. Most couples ended up parting ways. Several broke up and got back together over and over through out their lifetimes and in some more extreme cases mechs that were bonded ended their lives in order to free the other mech of their shared bond. As much as Prowl wanted to believe he and Jazz could be the tiny percent that lived a long, happy life together, he knew the odds were very much against them.

A soft creak of hydraulics caught Prowl's attention and he looked over at Sunstreaker. His optics had gone dark, and his body lay sprawled out over his 'blanket', having already offlined. "Tired, hm?" Prowl whispered.

Giving his love letter one last read, he softly sighed air from his intakes, then turned the datapad off, subspacing it once again. He lay back on the cool ground, and stared up into the night sky overhead. His thoughts swirled around Jazz, with the occasional stray thought about Ultra Magnus' impending visit. _What a fragging mess I've gotten myself into_, Prowl thought as he offlined his optics.

…

Jazz meandered through the hallways of the Ark toward the lounge. He needed a distraction from his spark's painful burning and nervous fluttering. Had his love note to Prowl made the right impact? Would Prowl consider a relationship? Had Jazz ruined everything with that amazing kiss?

He silently padded through the doorway into the lounge. He was met with the sight of Hound and Mirage lips locked on the couch. They were so busy they hadn't even noticed Jazz's arrival. Frowning, he turned around and left.

Walking back into the hallway, he wondered where Blaster was and decided to ping him.

:: What's up, Jazz? :: Blaster replied.

:: Where ya at? I'm in serious need of a distraction, :: Jazz replied.

:: Oh, I'm still in the communications room. Picked up somethin' I've been decoding. Come on up, though. I should be done in a breem or so, :: Blaster replied.

Jazz quickly made his way to the communications room, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of Prowl and that remarkable kiss. He'd kissed his fair share of mechs and even a couple femmes over the stellar cycles, but the way his body and spark reacted to Prowl had been unlike anything he'd ever felt before. Bonded or not, he knew he'd be totally lost without Prowl in his life and was genuinely worried he'd destroyed something with his selfish desire to have it all. It felt so right, though. Hadn't Prowl felt it, too?

Arriving at the door, he paused to see Blaster staring intently at his screen. "Hey, man," Jazz said from the doorway.

"Hey there," Blaster replied without looking away from what he was so focused on. "So what's goin' on?"

"Oh, you know. Kissin' Prowl, then findin' out he's already bonded. The usual," Jazz replied as he walked in and plopped into the seat beside Blaster's.

"What!" Blaster's fixed gaze on his screen broke as whipped his head in Jazz's direction. "You _kissed_ him? And he's _bonded_?"

Jazz nodded.

"So…what happened?" Blaster asked, looking totally shocked and bewildered.

"He ran off. Wouldn't give me a chance to talk to him. It was a disaster of epic proportions. I did write 'im a love note and gave it to Sunny to make sure he got it before leavin'," Jazz replied.

Blaster frowned. "That sucks. I'm sorry, Jazz. Now you gotta wait for him to come back from that mission?"

"Yep." Jazz tried to maintain a casual look on his face, but the pain in his spark was too much to take and he winced.

"Lemmie finish decoding this thing and we'll have a couple cubes of high grade, okay?" Blaster said with a sympathetic smile.

"Sure thing," Jazz replied. He watched as Blaster worked his magic on some sort of signal he'd identified. From what Jazz could tell by looking at the data on his screen, Blaster was working on a signal originating in the asteroid belt. "What is that signal anyway?"

"Not too sure. All I know it that it's Cybertronian. It's acting like a homing beacon. Pulsing at regular intervals, and between yesterday and today it hasn't moved. I'm trying to decipher it, but so far not a single dialect of Cybertronian matches it," Blaster explained.

"Are any close?" Jazz asked.

"Yeah. The dialect from ancient Vos, which is why I really want to figure out what it is," Blaster replied.

That was unsettling to hear. Vos was the city-state the seeker class was from. "You think it's the Decepticons?"

"Decepticons don't use old dialects to encode with. Shockwave and Soundwave use algorithms to script uncrackable number-based codes," Blaster explained as he kept typing away at his terminal.

"Man, you really know yer stuff," Jazz said.

Blaster glanced at Jazz and smiled. "If I really knew my stuff, I'd have figured this thing out already."

"What if it's a combo signal? Like two old dialects mixed together or something like that?" Jazz asked.

"Yeah I've tried that," Blaster replied. He then pulled up multiple smaller windows on the screen and scrolled so fast through the data Jazz couldn't follow out what he was doing. "See? None match up."

Jazz squinted behind his visor trying to make sense of the tidal wave of data Blaster was accessing. He then shook his head. "I don't know how you keep that all straight. It's so complicated."

"Complicated," Blaster repeated. Blaster looked over at Jazz with bright optics. "Maybe I'm making it too complicated." His fingers flew across the terminal again, this time pulling up a different series of screens. "Part of the signal is probably ancient Vos and the other part…" Blaster squinted at the screen. "Lame! It's totally common Cybertronian. I was totally making it too complicated," Blaster said with a laugh. His fingers danced over the computer console causing the windows of information to swiftly move around.

"You crack it?" Jazz asked.

Blaster grinned. "Yep! One sec and I can tell ya what's transmitting." A large window opened in the middle of screen and displayed the information from the encoded message. "Location codes."

Jazz frowned. "What sort of locations are those?"

"Just different places on the various planets in this solar system. They seem random. Weird," Blaster replied. He scrolled down the list of coordinates that apparently made perfect sense to him. To Jazz, it looked like gibberish.

"Any on Earth?" Jazz asked.

"Yeah, several." Blaster frowned. "Let me download it all into a prelim. report for Prowl."

_Prowl._ Jazz couldn't help himself as he softly sighed air from his intakes.

"Sorry," Blaster said quickly glancing at Jazz with a concerned look.

"No worries. Just promise to keep me distracted with a movie or something. 'Cause this waitin' fer him to come back is killin' me," Jazz replied, sheepishly smiling.

Blaster nodded. "Operation: Distract Jazz, initiates the moment I drop this report off."

Jazz chuckled. "Sounds perfect, man."

…

"Prowl."

Dimly lighting his optics, Prowl awoke to Sunstreaker kneeling beside him lightly poking his arm. It was still dark outside, and a quick check of the time told Prowl it was the middle of the night.

"I hear something," Sunstreaker said in a hushed voice.

"Refrain from poking at me, please," Prowl replied.

Sunstreaker's optics brightened then narrowed as he held a finger to his lips in a shushing gesture. "Shhh. Listen."

Prowl sat himself up and honed in on the sounds around them. At first all he heard were the millions of insects singing in the night. Then he heard the distinct sound of a Decepticon jet's turbines. His gaze locked with Sunstreaker's. "Decepticons."

"I woke up cause some stupid furry animal was crawling on my headfin and then I heard the engines," Sunstreaker explained in a whispered voice.

Prowl deeply frowned. This was not good, although not too surprising. The locations were being scouted for possible activity based on the high levels of raw energy available and how secluded they areas were. The Black Mountain range butted up against a Native American reservation, and they had refused the local government's attempts to mine the area of the hidden natural gas pockets.

"We need to investigate. Determine the amount in the area," Prowl whispered.

Sunstreaker pulled his pistol from his subspace pocket and nodded. "Let's do it. I've been itching to kick some aft."

"We only engage if the odds are in our favor, understood?" Prowl said in as much of an authoritative tone as possible while whispering.

Sunstreaker's lips pulled into a disappointed frown as he nodded.

Less than a breem later, their walk down the mountain roads had yet to reveal where the Decepticons were. They walked with their pistols charged and ready, scanning the darkness for any sign of their enemies. Prowl started to wonder if they'd unintentionally walked in the wrong direction.

Suddenly, the sound of turbines came out of nowhere, roaring overhead.

Prowl looked up to see one of the seekers, holding a strange-looking weapon that resembled a small cannon in his hands. In the darkness it was hard to tell which one of the seekers it was, but guessing by the sudden appearance overhead, he believed it to be Skywarp. Lifting his pistol up, Prowl took aim. "Halt!"

Skywarp started cackling. "You Autobots are so dumb!"

"Shut the frag up! Come down here to get your aft kicked!" Sunstreaker taunted.

"Nah, I have orders to bring ya back with me. You're gonna make good test subjects," Skywarp replied, lifting the cannon-like device up and pointing it down at them.

Prowl opened fire, his shots pinging off the device. He was hoping to destroy it, but it was resisting his laser fire. "Sunsreaker, back—"

It was too late to warn Sunstreaker off. The cannon lit up and an energy pulse exploded from it, washing over both of them. Instantly Prowl's body seized up. All control over his frame's movements were disabled and he crumpled to the ground. Lying there, he did his best to fight to stay online, but whatever that energy pulse was had disrupted too many of his regular systems and his body went into a forced shut down.

_Fraggit._

…

Slowly, Prowl's systems onlined one by one. He dimly lit his optics and looked around. From Prowl's position, lying on his side, he could see that their captors had unceremoniously dropped them into what looked like a cage set in the middle of a large room. Just beside him laid out flat on his back was Sunstreaker, still offline. The room was set up much like Perceptor's lab. Equipment ringed the edges of the space and a table and a berth sat beside their enclosure.

Wincing, Prowl pushed himself up into a seated position. A scan to assess his overall condition told him the blast had disrupted just about every one of his systems all at once. His auto repair had managed to restore his vital systems enough to allow him to online. Glancing at Sunstreaker, Prowl's worry spiked. Logically, a larger mech would need more time for his auto repair to work, but this also meant Prowl was effectively alone until Sunstreaker onlined.

The clack of turbined pedes echoed into the room from the doorway. Prowl tensed.

Starscream came sweeping into the room with Thundercracker on his heels. "Why hello there, _Prowl_. I see you've onlined. How did you like my new weapon?" Starscream asked as he walked right up the bars of the cage.

Prowl defiantly frowned, refusing to answer.

Starscream crouched down so he was closer to optic level with Prowl. "Aww, don't be like that. You and that fragger next to you will be advancing science. You should be honored."

"Advancing weaponry is not the same as advancing science," Prowl replied.

"Well, I have some rather grand plans that will require very advanced weaponry. I had planned on kidnapping some unsuspecting test subjects off Cybertron, but you two so graciously showed up nearby, I figured you'd do just as well." Starscream stood back up. "Thundercracker, prep the serum."

Prowl opened his comm line, attempting to send out a ping. But he was met with dead air. Was his comm line compromised with the rest of his systems?

A low groan emitted from Sunstreaker. Prowl glanced over just as his optics lit up. "Prowl, what the frag happened?"

"You've been captured, and will bear witness to your commanding officer's reactions to my serum," Starscream replied. He turned to Thundercracker, a deep frown etched on his faceplates. "Where the frag is Skywarp?"

Thundercracker handed him a medical syringe meant to administer additives directly into energon lines. "I have no clue. Want me to look for him?"

Prowl had a very bad feeling about all this.

"Yes, you dolt," Starscream hissed at Thundercracker. "Stupid fragging minerals in the mountains here," he then grumbled as he started to move items around on his table. The blue seeker then exited the room, apparently not flustered by the verbal brow beating.

Minerals. That meant all their comm lines, Decepticon and Autobot alike, were not working here.

Sunstreaker sat up and lightly touched Prowl's elbow. "Prowl," he whispered. "What do we do?"

Looking into Sunstreaker's worried optics, Prowl frowned. "Nothing for the moment. Let me take the brunt of whatever they have planned, understood?" he whispered back.

To that, Sunstreaker frowned.

"That's an order," Prowl added in a stern tone.

Sunstreaker's frown deepened. "Yes, sir," he whispered.

…

It was five past noon. Jazz paced the command deck, knowing that five minutes late for most mechs wasn't a big deal. But Jazz knew Prowl. He was professional and would never let personal issues interfere with his job, not even what had transpired the evening before between them. With each passing Earth minute Jazz's worry intensified. Something wasn't right.

At fifteen past, Jazz was ready to crawl out of his plating. He opened his mouth to speak when Bumblebee suddenly piped up.

"That's odd Prowl hasn't called in yet." Bumblebee turned in his seat to glance at Jazz. "Should we ping them?"

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. It's really not like Prowl to be late fer anythin'." Jazz nodded to Hound who had also turned to look over at Jazz. "Go ahead and ping 'im, Hound."

"Sure thing," Hound replied as he let his fingers tap in the sequence.

"No location is available for Prowl," Teletraan answered.

"What?" Jazz replied, not hiding his shock. "How's that possible?"

"That's really weird," Bumblebee replied.

"Let me try Sunstreaker's signal," Hound said, as he tried another ping.

"No location is available for Sunstreaker," Teletraan answered just as quickly as the first time.

_Something's wrong_. Jazz's worry instantly morphed into full on panic. "Contact Optimus and let's pull up map of where they last checked in from," Jazz ordered.

Hound and Bumblebee both nodded at the commands and each did their parts. Jazz hoped with all his spark it was something benign, but he couldn't shake the sense of doom tingling deep in his circuits.

_Prowl, whatever's going on, we're gonna find you and Sunny_… Jazz thought.

…

Before being appointed as a tactician, Prowl had been in Special Ops. As Starscream approached the cage with the medical device in hand, Prowl initiated his old firewall protocols. They weren't completely up to date, but he hoped they would provide some level of protection against whatever it was Starscream was about to poison his systems with.

"I'm tired of the messy leadership style Megatron prefers to rule with." Starscream swaggered up the edge of the cage. "This serum is filled with nanites. I plan on overthrowing Megatron, but need an army I can control."

The small cage left Prowl with no recourse as far as escaping Starscream and his medical syringe. Besides, complying as a test subject would buy more time for Sunstreaker's possible rescue. It was about an hour past their check in time. No one knew Prowl like Jazz did and missing a check in was a huge red flag to indicate something had gone awry. He just hoped that the events from the previous evening wouldn't cause Jazz to do something reckless and possibly dangerous.

Prowl pushed to his feet, meeting Starscream at the bars. He stuck his arm out, exposing the cables and wiring between the plates at the crook of his elbow.

"A willing participant? This is unexpected." Starscream appeared dubious.

"Nanites are notoriously unstable. There is a reason they were outlawed eons ago as a research subject." Prowl's doorwings flicked behind him. "I highly doubt they are of any threat in your hands."

"Prowl! Have you lost your mind?" Sunstreaker's protest died the moment Starscream growled and grabbed hold of Prowl's wrist, plunging the end of the syringe into the exposed lines and flooding Prowl with a tiny invading force of nanites.

"I'll show you what kind of threat I am." Starscream passed his hand over the lock, and the door to the cage popped open. He grabbed Prowl's arm, yanking him from the cage and slamming it back closed before Sunstreaker could get to his feet.

Free of the confinement, Prowl decided now was as good as anytime to try and fight his captor. One on one. Swinging around, Prowl slammed his fist into Starscream's glassy chest. The glass made a spider-webbed pattern around his fist.

Starscream shoved Prowl backward and hissed. "You little fragger!" He then swung his arm up quickly, pressing his null ray to Prowl's head.

Prowl froze.

"One shot to your already compromised systems and you will go into permanent shut-down _after_ all your neural pathways are fried," Starscream said with a sneer.

Prowl held his hands up, submitting. So much for a fair fight.

"Get on the medical berth," Starscream ordered.

Moving to the berth, Prowl sat himself down. His processor was starting to feel sluggish and the signals from his stabilizing system appeared to be failing. The room felt like it was wobbling and turning despite the fact he knew that was not physically possible. _The nanites must be invading my vital systems_, he thought. He just hoped his firewalls would protect his processor long enough to buy them some precious time.

Starscream's lips curled into a dark smile. "How are you feeling now, _Prowl?_"

Prowl deeply frowned at Starscream, then squinted his optics in a vain attempt to minimize the dizzying effects.

"Prowl?" Sunstreaker's voice cut through the growing haze in Prowl's processor. He glanced over to see the large warrior standing in the cage, hands clasped around the bars, a worried frown marring his otherwise handsome face.

"I can't find Skywarp," Thundercracker said as he swept into the room then abruptly came to a stop, seeing Starscream with his arm cannon trained on Prowl.

"Forget Skywarp! Let him rot wherever he is! Help me secure the test subject," Starscream ordered, never once lowering his weapon.

Thundercracker moved quickly, grasping Prowl's arm and shoving him to lie back on the berth. The world was sent spinning around him, and he lay there fighting to retain control over his body but losing the battle. Moving his limbs felt like he was trying to maneuver them through a thick wall of jelly. Thundercracker ended up lifting his legs for him onto the berth, then tying down his wrists and ankles, securing him in place.

"The nanites need time to finish their sequence." Starscream moved to the head of the berth, fiddling around with something. Prowl lay there, helpless as he felt Starscream's hands grab hold of his helm and flick open a cover to a direct access point to his processor. "Let's have a little a look see in there, shall we?"

His vision briefly flashed white as the cord was inserted. In his peripheral, he could see worry twisting Sunstreaker's face. _Better me than him_, Prowl thought. He was trained for this type of situation, unlike his mission partner.

"Interesting protocols and firewalls you have set up, but they won't stop the nanites," Starscream said, moving to hover his face in Prowl's field of vision. "Soon you'll be my little puppet."

Prowl scowled in reply. He was succumbing faster than anticipated, but he needed to keep up the charade of being lucid long enough to give his comrades time to find them before Starscream turned his sights on Sunstreaker. For the first time in memory, he hoped Jazz would leap before looking and come to find them.

…

Talking. That's all they were doing. Jazz stood listening as Optimus and the other commanding officers all tried to decide the best course of action. Standing around was a waste of precious time, though. Time Prowl and Sunstreaker might not have.

"We got no way of knowin' which way they headed, Optimus," Ironhide said as he stared up at the map on screen.

"And for all we know they drove into an area with high mineral content. You know our communications array can't always penetrate such substances," Red Alert said. "I've complained about this on numerous occasions."

Jazz knew better. If they'd been in an area where communications were spotty, Prowl would have moved them. It had been almost three hours since they'd missed check in. Every moment they were wasting here talking, was a moment he could be on his way to find them.

Optimus turned his attention to Jazz. "Jazz, I know you wouldn't have called an alert without just cause. That said I'm not entirely sure we should search for them just yet."

"With all due respect, I know Prowl better than any of ya'll. And something ain't right," Jazz replied firmly. "Maybe it's 'Cons or maybe they both slipped off a ridge, or got into an accident or somethin'. Let me go at least look, Optimus."

Optimus stared at Jazz for a long moment, then nodded. "You have my permission to go with Skyfire and scout the area."

"Yes, sir," Jazz replied. "And, thanks."

…

Jazz hightailed it for the base entrance.

::Skyfire, we got a situation. Meet me outside, :: Jazz said over the commlink.

::On my way to meet you,:: Skyfire replied.

Reaching the entrance, Skyfire was already there transformed and waiting. His hatch opened, and Jazz hopped onboard.

"I'm coming, too!"

Jazz spun around. Sideswipe had stepped onboard behind him.

"Something's wrong, and I'm not staying here. I'm going with you to find them," Sideswipe said with a determined look on his face.

"No way, man. Optimus authorized me and Skyfire. _Not you_." Jazz then frowned. "Besides, how'd you know they were missin'?"

"Sunny's my brother." Sideswipe furrowed his brow. "I can feel it. We don't use our linked sparks much, but I can _feel_ him. He's scared. Something bad's going on."

Twins. Jazz almost forgot their split spark was essentially a bond. "All right. But don't make me regret it."

"I won't," Sideswipe replied.

Jazz and Sideswipe both took seats on the floor of the small space. "Let's get going, Skyfire," Jazz ordered.

"Right away!" Skyfire replied, his engines powering up.

He pulled his legs up to his chest and frowned as he stared at Sideswipe. The fact Sideswipe could sense something bad had happened through their sparks did not bode well. _Primus, keep 'em safe 'til we get there…_


	6. Truth and Consequences

Title: Heavy in Your Arms- Truth and Consequences

Author: pl2363

Series: Transformers AU/G1

Rating: T+ (for this chapter) for violence.

"_I was a heavy heart to carry_  
><em>But he never let me down<em>  
><em>When he had me in his arms<em>  
><em>My feet never touched the ground.<em>" … 'Heavy in Your Arms' by Florence + the Machine

* * *

><p>Stepping off Skyfire's ramp, Jazz transformed into his vehicle mode. Sideswipe followed suit, transforming and revving his engine. They had been dropped off at Prowl and Sunstreaker's last known location in the mountain range.<p>

::Skyfire, with the spotty comms out here, I want ya to keep a visual on us at all times, :: Jazz ordered.

::Yes, sir,:: Skyfire replied before taking off into the air over them.

Sideswipe pulled past Jazz, starting up the mountain road. Jazz quickly hitched his engine into gear, passing Sideswipe.

:: I'm in charge. We move when I say, got it? :: Jazz said in an unusually stern tone.

:: Got it. Just really worried. I wanna find them, :: Sideswipe replied as he fell back behind Jazz.

:: I do, too... :: _More than you even know_, Jazz thought.

They drove less than half a mile when Sideswipe suddenly hit his brakes, swerving to a stop. :: Jazz!::

Jazz backed up to where Sideswipe had stopped. ::See somethin'? ::

:: Drying cloth in the trees over there. That's Sunny's. I _know _it is... :: Sideswipe answered.

They were certainly on the right track. :: All right, proceed up the road, keep your sensors sweepin' wide."

…

"His optics are losing focus," Thundercracker said.

Starscream hovered into Prowl's narrow field of vision. "Oh yes, the nanites are almost done with the sequence."

Prowl knew his firewalls weren't enough to block the tiny nanites that were scripting over his programming. Control over his own body was being stripped away by the tiny invaders. He tried to curl his hands into fists, but even that simple command didn't work. This was far worse than he'd imagined. He needed to stay calm, not let his rising panic at losing control compromise things any further.

"When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna make you pay you fragger!" Sunstreaker shouted from the cage.

"Oh, I don't think so," Starscream replied smugly. He then turned to his fellow seeker. "Let's have a test run."

In his peripheral, Prowl saw Starscream pick up a small device. "Thundercracker, you may untie our subject."

Doing as directed, Thundercracker undid the bindings. Prowl wanted desperately to get up and fight. To move. But he was frozen, unable to get a single part of his own body to respond. He could only grimace and control his optics. Not even his vocalizer was his to use anymore.

"The nanites are tiny computers that _I _control. They've overwritten most of your vital systems' programming, with a little programming of my own," Starscream said with a sinister smile.

Starscream tapped on the device in his hands and suddenly, Prowl moved. He sat up and swung his legs off the berth. He looked over, seeing worry and confusion on Sunstreaker's face. He hadn't initiated this movement. Starscream had moved him with the device in his grasp. This was bad. _Very _bad.

"Thundercracker, stand over there," Starscream said, his dark smile widening.

Thundercracker gave his superior a dubious look.

"Just do it!" Starscream yelled.

Taking his ordered place, Thundercracker heaved a sigh.

"Fight back as you see fit, Thundercracker." Starscream tapped the device controls again.

Prowl slid off the berth and stood, his body moving according to whatever Starscream had just transmitted to the nanites now in control. A set of memory file pieces flitted through his processor. Memories of various battles and training exercises. Suddenly, without his consent, he moved again. He ran at the larger seeker, ducking the large arms that flung out at him, and dropped down so he could swing his lower leg outward in a sweeping motion, knocking Thundercracker on his aft with a loud clang.

Starscream snorted and laughed at the spectacle.

"Fragger," Thundercracker snarled as he rolled toward Prowl and reached for his arm.

Jerking back, Prowl avoided the larger hand's grasp. Then he moved swiftly, pinning Thundercracker's hand under the weight of one knee. These were all moves Prowl had made in the past during various hand-to-hand combat situations. The nanites were accessing his processor's vast experience and moving him accordingly.

A war raged inside, his true mind against the controlling force. He trembled as he fought against the nanites' programming. In that astro-second long moment, Thundercracker gained the upper hand, throwing his entire weight into Prowl. Tumbling to his side, Prowl's body scrambled to get back to his feet, but Thundercracker was faster, getting up and grabbing hold of Prowl's doorwing. The seeker hauled Prowl to stand by the sensitive appendage. The treatment so rough, the hinges squeaked under the pressure and one snapped entirely. Pain flared over his sensory net and the nanites reacted to stop the pain, blocking the sensors.

"Prowl!" Sunstreaker called out and railed against the bars of the cage.

Haze began to fog Prowl's processor. The nanites attempting to control the pain to allow him to continue fighting. Prowl staggered back a couple steps, slipping on something slick. He looked down to see a splatter of energon beneath his pedes.

Thundercracker growled, and swung at Prowl again. His body turned sideways, mitigating the blow that did land with enough force to dent the side of his chestplate. Prowl winced in pain.

"That's enough," Starscream said, tapping his controller.

Thundercracker glanced at his superior.

"A very good test, I'd say." Starscream said.

Prowl's pain flickered through him. Nanites turned off sensory net areas where he was injured. He could feel a ruptured energon line from his damaged doorwing leaking heated liquid down his back, but he was helpless to do anything about it.

"Prowl?" Sunstreaker's voice sliced through Prowl's foggy processor. He could do nothing more than look in his partner's direction.

"Silence!" Starscream hissed at Sunstreaker. "Thundercracker, put our test subject back on the berth and I'll get him patched up for a second test run."

…

Jazz came to a stop on the mountain road and transformed. He knelt down and ran his fingers over the edge of a large scorched area in the road's pavement.

Just behind him, Sideswipe transformed and walked over. "What's that from?"

"Dunno, but I have a bad feelin'." Jazz stood back up and surveyed the area around them for any other evidence of where Prowl and Sunstreaker might be.

Rubbing his chest, Sideswipe huffed air from his intakes. "Sunny is really upset."

"You can feel that?" Jazz asked.

Sideswipe nodded.

"Can ya get him to tell us where they're at?" Jazz asked, he was only half serious given what he knew about bonds but also secretly hoped it was possible.

"I wish. Doesn't really work like that," Sideswipe replied.

Jazz frowned and resumed scanning the area. Suddenly, he heard an out of place noise. Tuning his audios sharply, Jazz recognized the sound. "Jet engine..." He quickly shifted his attention skyward.

"Skyfire?" Sideswipe asked.

"Higher pitched. _Way _further away," Jazz replied. He opened his comm line. :: Skyfire, you see a 'Con jet near you? :: The line was filled with static, but still worked. They must be near mineral deposits, preventing them from transmitting a clear signal.

:: No... Wait- :: Skyfire made a wide circle in the air. ::I'm picking up another aircraft on my radar.::

"There!" Sideswipe pointed.

A smaller black jet appeared out of nowhere and sped toward Skyfire. "Fraggit!" Jazz opened his general comm line to teletraan. :: Jazz here, we've got at least one 'Con here in the air. There could be more! ::

A garbled reply came back from Red Alert. _Fraggin' mineral deposits._

"What should we do?" Sideswipe asked. "We can't let Skyfire get slagged."

"Got yer jetpack?" Jazz asked.

Sideswipe's optics brightened then narrowed. "Got your permission to do whatever it takes to ground that 'Con?"

Jazz frowned. "We need him in _talkin' _condition to tell us where they're at."

"One skewered jet in talking condition, coming right up!" Sideswipe took a few running steps before his jetpack powered on and he took off.

Jazz felt utterly helpless as he watched from the ground. Sideswipe shot up into the air then landed on Skywarp's back, using his weight to push the jet downward. Skyfire swung around behind in an arc, shooting out Skywarp's right engine. Smoke trailed behind the airborne melee as Sideswipe rode the plummeting jet's back. Jazz started backing up when he noticed they were heading his direction.

Once it was obvious Sideswipe planned on landing Skywarp in the middle of the road, Jazz quickly transformed and floored it get out of the way. Moments later, Skywarp hit the pavement, skidding forward with Sideswipe on his back, riding him like a giant hoverboard. Smoke and dirt swirled in the air around where they eventually came to a stop.

Jazz transformed and pulled his pistol from subspace, running back toward the point of impact. Approaching, he found Skywarp had transformed and was lying on the ground with Sideswipe straddling him. Energon was smeared across the pavement along with pieces of Skywarp's armor.

"Where are they?" Sideswipe shouted as he swung, punching Skywarp in the face.

"Whoa! I said talkin' condition!" Jazz ran up grabbing Sideswipe's arm. "Not a pulverized mess!"

Sideswipe glanced up, his optics were overly bright. Clearly he was letting his emotions cloud his judgment and their mission. While Jazz understood it, he couldn't let Sideswipe spiral out of control. Jazz dropped down beside the injured seeker and pushed on Sideswipe to get off him.

Skywarp groaned, his optics flickering.

"Where did ya'll take Prowl and Sunstreaker?" Jazz asked.

"Why should I tell you?" Skywarp replied, his vocalizer crackling.

"Because otherwise I sic my giant, angry red comrade back on you," Jazz replied. "_Where are they?_"

"Get fragged," Skywarp spat back.

Sideswipe loomed closer, a menacing look on his face. "I'll rip you apart plate by plate until you tell us!"

Jazz cast a glare at Sideswipe, then focused back on Skywarp. "Tell us where they are."

Skywarp shook his head. "What's in it for me?"

"When I see your fellow 'Cons, I can tell 'em where we left yer carcass," Jazz replied, his patience running short.

Sideswipe stepped on Skywarp's wing, digging his heel into it. "Answer! Where are they?"

Skywarp yelped and writhed on the ground. "Frag you!"

Just as Jazz opened his mouth to yell at Sideswipe, Skyfire pinged them.

:: I've got a visual on an usual-looking cave entrance just south of your current location. If the metallic doors are any indication, :: Skyfire said over the static-filled comm line. :: Coming around to pick you two up now. ::

"Sides, step back. We don't need 'im." Jazz stood back up.

Sideswipe obeyed, but snarled at the seeker.

Jazz could feel it in his spark. Their time was running short. They needed to hurry, but at the same time, they needed to be cautious. They had no idea how many more 'Cons were in the area. Skyfire came around and landed, opening his ramp. _Just hang on Prowl, we're comin'... _Jazz thought.

…

"What's with you?" Starscream asked in a snippy tone.

Prowl lay on his side utterly helpless as Starscream patched his leaking energon line. From his position he could only see Thundercracker, pacing around the entrance to the lab.

"It's been too long. Skywarp should have shown up by now," Thundercracker replied.

Starscream snorted. "When that moron does show up, he's going to regret it. I've had enough of his disobedient behavior. I _specifically _told him not to leave the base."

Prowl watched Thundercracker come to a stop and turn his attention to the doorway. His wings suddenly perked up on his back. If seeker wing behavior was anything like Praxian, then something had caught his attention.

A loud crashing sound echoed from the hallway.

"What the frag was that?" Starscream asked.

Thundercracker waved a hand as he walked out of the lab. "I'll go look."

"If Skywarp broke something else, I'm going to hand him his aft on a platter!" Starscream huffed air from his intakes. "The line is clamped off." Starscream pulled Prowl up into a seated position. He stared into his face and darkly smiled. "Ready for round two?"

"Stop messing with Prowl! Use me instead!" Sunstreaker slammed himself against the bars of his cage.

_No._Prowl much rather it was him than his younger partner. But he couldn't respond, his vocalizer locked up by the overriding programming. Losing control like this was excruciating for Prowl in more ways than he could even fully wrap his mind around.

"You bring up a good point," Starscream replied as he glanced at his second captive. "Perhaps round two will consist of Autobot versus Autobot. Seeing as Thundercracker is occupied, why not?" Starscream grabbed his controller off the nearby table.

Next thing Prowl knew, he moved to stand and walked over to the cage. Sunstreaker stared at him, shaking his head. "Prowl. Stop. It's me. I don't wanna fight you. Stop letting Starscream control you!"

"Ha! You're as dumb as you look. You think he's got any say in his actions?" Starscream tapped the controller, and Prowl reached up, waving his hand over the locking mechanism. The door remained locked, though.

"Now who's dumb? Prowl can't unlock it. Only _you _can," Sunstreaker said, taunting.

Starscream growled as he stalked over and waved his hand over the lock, causing the door to pop open. Sunstreaker grabbed hold of the bars and swung it outward, stepping out and making a b-line for the seeker. Starscream laughed as he backed up and used his controller.

Prowl moved, grabbing hold of Sunstreaker's arm and twisting it at backward angle. The large warrior yelped and dropped to his knees. Prowl shoved Sunstreaker to topple forward by stepping on his back. "Prowl! Let go!" Sunstreaker said with his face smooshed against the floor.

The last thing Prowl wanted to do was physically assault Sunstreaker. He stood there with Sunstreaker's arm twisted backward in his grasp, while his processor waged war against every fiber of his entire being, causing him to tremble.

"Prowl, fight it! Don't let him control you!" Sunstreaker pleaded.

"Do what I command!" Starscream shouted as he punched the buttons of his controller harder.

Suddenly, laser fire pinged into the room, and Starscream snarled as he raised one of his arm mounted weapons. "What the frag is going on?"

Thundercracker's limp, offlined frame was shoved into the open doorway.

_Jazz? _Prowl's spark started pulsing fast and hard in his chest. _Please let it be him..._

"I maybe a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of 'em. I know you got yer arm cannons pointed this way," Jazz's voice called out from somewhere unseen beyond the doorway. "Send out my comrades _now_."

_Thank Primus, it _is_ Jazz..._Prowl thought, relief washing through him.

Starscream's mouth twitched into a sinister smile. "But of course," he shouted as he tapped the controls, and Prowl's hope was instantly shattered as he was forced by the nanites let go of Sunstreaker, and turn toward the doorway.

"Wait!" Sunstreaker yelled as he tried to get to his feet.

"I don't think so," Starscream said as he fired a short-burst blast at Sunstreaker.

The null ray knocked Sunstreaker to the ground. He groaned as his optics flickered from the effects of the specialized weapon fire. Prowl froze, wanting to stop and help him. He fought the nanites that were pushing him forward, straining against his body's desire to move.

"That's it! I'm gonna count to three! If I don't see 'em walkin' through this doorway, I'm comin' in. And trust me, yer not gonna be happy if it comes to that," Jazz yelled.

If only there was a way to neutralize the nanites. A way to stop them from controlling Prowl's body movements and vital systems. Staring down at Sunstreaker, he realized there _was _a way. Starscream's null ray.

"Three..."

Starscream continued to jab at his controller and mutter. "I should have injected more of the nanite serum into him."

"Two..."

Sunstreaker opened his mouth wanting to protest, but he couldn't seem to speak. The concentrated, close-range blast had done extensive damage to his already compromised systems.

"One!"

Jazz and Sideswipe came into the lab, weapons drawn. Sideswipe shot first, his laser fire pinging the wall behind Starscream as the seeker moved to duck behind the berth.

"Fragging coward!" Sideswipe shouted.

Prowl stood, still fighting the nantites control and losing. He moved, walking toward Sideswipe.

"Prowl? You okay, man?" Jazz asked.

"No," Sunstreaker said, his vocalizer straining to get out the one word.

Confusion twisted Sideswipe's expression as Prowl approached.

A series of memories from different fighting scenarios flickered through Prowl's processor just like before his match against Thundercracker. He didn't want to harm Sideswipe, but his body overrode his desire and moved on it's own.

Before anyone could react, Prowl swung around, his leg flying up and making hard contact with Sideswipe's hip. The warrior was knocked backward, but he didn't lose his balance.

"What the frag?" Sideswipe shouted.

Laughter from behind the berth made Prowl's tanks churn with guilt.

Prowl moved again, this time ramming his entire body, shoulder first into Sideswipe, toppling him to the ground. The loud clang of his head slamming into the metallic floor from the fall echoed in the metallic lab. Sprawled out on his back on the ground, Sideswipe groaned. Just as Prowl moved to kick him in the side, Jazz grabbed him from behind, arms hugging Prowl from behind as he was pulled back. Prowl struggled against the arms encompassing him.

"Prowl! Have you lost it? Why are ya attackin' us?" Jazz asked as he did his best to restrain Prowl.

In his peripheral, Prowl saw Starscream peek over the berth, lifting his arm cannon and aiming at Jazz.

_No! _Prowl thought.

"Stop strugglin' with me!" Jazz said, his grip tightening.

Starscream's hand balled into a fist and he fired.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were both injured. Prowl refused to let Starscream harm Jazz, too. Battling the nanite control had been nearly impossible, but Prowl found renewed strength surge inside him. He shifted his weight, swinging them around in the nick of time. The null ray blast slammed into Prowl's body, frying his entire body's systems which were already severely compromised, but also frying those insidious nanites. Pain flared over his sensory net as he went limp in Jazz's grip.

"Yer gonna pay, you piece of scrap!" Jazz shouted.

Prowl's optics flickered as the neutralizing effects of the ray ravaged his body. He only saw choppy segments of what was happening. Jazz didn't let go of Prowl, one arm wrapped tightly around him as he fired on Starscream with the other. Sideswipe moved past them also firing. _Thank Primus_, Prowl must have only stunned him. Jazz shouted at Sideswipe to offline Starscream and bind him.

The whole time, through the haze of pain and damages Prowl's damaged processor could only focus on one thing: how much he truly cared for the mech holding him. How sorry he was for fragging everything up between them.

Prowl's limp body was carefully lifted up into Jazz's arms. His optics worked to focus on Jazz staring down at him. He parted his lips, wanting to speak, but his vocalizer only spat out static.

"We got it handled, Prowl. No worries, 'kay?" Jazz said, managing a small smile, despite the worried look on his face.

"I got Sunny," Sideswipe said. "Let's get the get the frag out of here!"

Prowl weakly grasped at Jazz's chest with a hand. Jazz's visor dimmed as stared down at him, shaking his head.

"Relax, Prowl. Skyfire called fer back up an' another team is en-route. They'll clean up the seeker splatter," Jazz said. "We're gettin' you two back to see the doc, asap."

"I-" Prowl's vocalizer hissed. He needed to say this in case his injuries were too extensive... In case he didn't online again. "L-love you."

Jazz's expression instantly shifted. His visor brightened and his lips parted with his apparent surprise. "Love you, too, Prowl... Eh, we'll talk 'bout stuff when yer better, though. 'Kay?"

Prowl managed a small nod before he relaxed in Jazz's warm hold and offlined his optics. He floated on the edge of consciousness as long as he could, enjoying the feeling of being held against his warm frame. Finally, his body's need to offline overrode his personal wants, and the world slipped away.

…

An achy feeling ran through Prowl's entire body as he woke. He lit his optics, but the light in the room was bright, causing him to wince and narrow them. Once they began to adjust, he looked around. He was in a medbay room, and he was not alone.

In the corner, propped up in a chair sat Jazz. His legs were kicked out in front of him, arms crossed over his chest, and he was slumped with his head bowed and visor darkened, apparently recharging.

Prowl watched Jazz for a long moment. If not for his best friend's head-strong and often rash choices, Prowl knew he'd not have survived. He was incredibly grateful. As his spark surged in his chest at the feelings his thoughts stirred up, he knew it ran much deeper than just gratitude. He did truly _love_ him. How in the world could he ever reconcile things between them, though? No matter what he chose to do, he feared hurting Jazz.

The door to the room whooshed open and Ratchet walked in. "Ah, so you_ are _up. Explains the spike in your vitals on my monitor out there."

A murmured groan from Jazz caught both their attentions.

"Hey doc-Prowl!" Jazz shot up in his seat and Prowl warmly smiled at him.

Looking relieved, Jazz returned the smile. "How you-"

"Well, you're still a fragged up mess," Ratchet interrupted, ignoring Jazz as he tapped the monitor's screen next to Prowl's berth, checking various readings. "Even more than your lunk-head partner."

Prowl glanced at Ratchet. "How is Sunstreaker?"

"He's fine. Released him yesterday. He didn't have added the complications to his repairs that you did, well, _do_," Ratchet replied.

Yesterday? Just how long had Prowl been here? He tried to check the time and date but found his chronometer was frozen at the moment the null ray hit him. "How many days since our rescue?" Prowl asked, turning his attention to Ratchet.

"Four Earth days," Ratchet replied.

"What?" Prowl bolted to a sitting position in the berth. "Ultra Magnus' crew arrives in a day. I need to be-"

"You _need_ to calm down." Ratchet turned to face Prowl, and pushed on him to lie back down. "Message we just got said they're going to arrive the day _after _tomorrow at 1600 hours our time."

Two days? They would be here so soon. There was so much to do. And he needed time to mentally prepare himself for seeing Magnus again after all this time. "You must release me at once," Prowl replied.

"No worries, Prowl. I've been doing yer duties. Everythin' is all set for them to arrive," Jazz said.

"You aren't going anywhere. You have any idea the extent of damage your body took? Those nanites were fortunately fried beyond functioning by the null ray blast, but I had to do a systems flush to remove them and have Wheeljack restore your vital programming. _Then_, I had to repair some kind of extensive burning to most of your systems in addition to resetting your entire electrical net because of that slagging null ray. Don't even get me started on the dents and ripped doorwing hin-"

"I appreciate your hard work, but I cannot shirk my own duties," Prowl interrupted, not allowing Ratchet to continue on his tirade.

"I said, I got it all covered, Prowl," Jazz replied, with a thread of annoyance and disappointment in his voice.

Prowl turned his attention back to Jazz and dimmed his optics. "I didn't mean to imply you're incapable."

Jazz frowned at Prowl, then glanced at Ratchet. "Hey doc, you mind givin' me and him a moment? We kinda need to talk 'bout somethin'."

Ratchet grumbled, but nodded. "Five minutes."

Prowl's fuel tank suddenly fluttered with his nervousness as he watched Jazz get up and move to sit on the edge of the berth as Ratchet stalked out of the room.

"The ship landin' site is secured just south of here. All the duty rosters are updated, and we got a full crew report from 'Ol Magnus when he commed in yesterday. I partnered them all up with our guys to show 'em around and whatnot." Jazz reached out, placing his hand on Prowl's leg. "I got it all covered. I promise."

"I'm sorry, Jazz. I didn't mean to sound as if I don't have trust in your abilities." Prowl sadly smiled. "I'm not used to being out of the loop like this." He then pressed his fingers together over his middle. "So, Magnus commed instead of sending a video message?"

Jazz nodded. "Yep."

Prowl's spark made a strange vibration in his chest, and he reached up rubbing the surface of the plating. Maybe it wasn't such a terrible thing he was in medbay for such a conference call. He really wasn't sure he had the strength at the moment to deal with seeing Ultra Magnus_ and_ with what happened between him and Jazz.

"Ya look even _more _upset," Jazz said, confusion lacing his voice. "I was tryin' to make ya feel better."

Prowl looked up at Jazz and smiled a little. "You did. Something else is bothering me."

"Oh?" Jazz replied. "'Bout us, maybe?"

About them. About Magnus. About this entire mess Prowl had tried to avoid, but now found himself coiled in. "Yes."

Heaving a sigh, Jazz uncharacteristically frowned. "I meant what I wrote. Every word of it," Jazz said as he gave Prowl's leg a small squeeze. "Bonded or not, I'm in love with you. But, I wish you'd told me. Said somethin'."

"In retrospect, I probably should have. But knowing your desires and my inability to fulfill them, it seemed more prudent to hide my feelings from you." Reaching out, Prowl put his hand on Jazz's knee. "Considering how much you mean to me, the last thing I want to do is hurt you."

Jazz's worried look melted into a tiny smile. "I know you thought you were doing right by me, but now it's gotten complicated when it could have been simple."

"Being with an already bonded mech is complicated. There is no way around that. And it's about more than the inability to bond or have a family." Prowl dimmed his optics. "Statistically, the odds are stacked-"

"I'm not a statistic! Neither are you." Jazz's expression sobered. "I'm not a sparkling, Prowl. I can decide what I want. _Who _I want. So stop trying to make choices fer me. Let me get hurt if that's what I choose. It's all well and good to try and look out fer me, but at some point you gotta concede that you can't control every little thing, let alone a big thing, like me."

"I just-" Prowl paused, realizing that Jazz was right. He'd been trying to control everything. After letting his tight control go for Magnus, and making such a huge mistake, he'd gotten more and more rigid in his actions. Being a tactician not only on the battlefield, but in every aspect of his life. "I was trying to protect you. That was unfair of me. I should have been truthful with you."

Jazz shook his head. "What's the human sayin'? 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions'? Seems a fittin' description if you ask me."

"I'm so sorry," Prowl replied, his voice softening. "Will you forgive me?"

"Maybe." Jazz half-smiled. "Guess it depends on what yer gonna decide. If yer gonna tell me what I want to hear right now. That you wanna be with me. That you wanna do this." Jazz's fear of rejection bled into his otherwise confident-sounding voice. "And for the record, relationship or not, we're gonna be best friends. I refuse to let anythin' ruin that."

"I want to be with you, Jazz. In a monogamous relationship," Prowl replied.

Jazz snorted a laugh. "Only you'd say it like that!"

Prowl smiled. Despite his reservations about what kind of future they'd truly have or how he was going to handle telling Jazz about Magnus, for the moment, this felt...amazing. To be loved just as he was. To have Jazz look at him this way. He'd longed for this moment for eons, and finally, it had arrived.

Jazz scooted closer and leaned forward, his face hovering close. "May I, uh, kiss ya again?"

Nodding, Prowl's smile grew wider.

Closing the remaining space, Jazz tipped his head and their lips met. Warmth spread over the surface of Prowl's lips as his spark danced in his chest. Jazz parted his lips, and Prowl responded in kind. Their glossae twinned between their linked mouths. Their second kiss was hot, sweet, _perfect_.

"Hey! You two mind?" Ratchet said, bringing their kiss to a halt.

Prowl sheepishly smiled as heat flashed over his face, embarrassed at being caught in such a personal moment.

Jazz on the other hand, grinned. "Yer the one interruptin', so I should be the one that minds." He had no shame.

"Get your aft out of my medbay. You two can make out all you want once I release Prowl tomorrow morning." Ratchet pointed to the door and narrowed his optics at Jazz.

"All right. Don't get yer wires in a twist." Jazz glanced at Prowl and then leaned down, stealing one last small kiss. "I'll be here in the morning to git ya."

Prowl reached up and cupped his face with one hand. "It's a date. And we have a lot more to discuss, too."

Worry briefly flashed across Jazz's face, but he quickly covered it up with a smile and a nod.

"Get out before I purge my tank," Ratchet said.

Jazz reluctantly pulled away, and got to his feet. He crossed the entrance and paused in the doorway, giving Prowl one last smile before he disappeared out of the room.

Ratchet shook his head as he walked over Prowl's berth and began typing in commands to the control panel. Prowl felt warmth and a soft vibration emit from beneath him. "Gonna have to knock you out for a bit to finish your repairs."

Dimming his optics, Prowl nodded.

"By the way, about fragging time you two figured that one out." Ratchet then smiled down at Prowl. "Been waiting on that since you first dragged him into my medbay."

Prowl might have replied, relaying his surprise at Ratchet's comment, but the world suddenly became fluid around him, and he offlined yet again.

* * *

><p><em>AN- This is not the final act, by any means. With the ship's arrival, complications. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews and faves! _


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